The Gods Must Be Crazy

Abraxas by Monsieur Le Battlier

One who bears responsibility without power is a mortal. One who is bears responsibility with power is a King. One who bears no responsibility with power is a Fool.

The Kings and their Princes rule reality. They and their Courts keep the rules of the universe rigid. Because of them, 2+2=4 and gravity always pulls and your head isn't just an hole filled with hundreds of teeth. They do not expect or require worship, they simply bear their burdens and act in accordance to their laws.

Gods are not so bound.

If the Kings are Ontological Truths, then the Gods are Ontological Lies. They are the Fools who openly defy the King in front of their court, exempt from both law and punishment. It is by these beings that the Kings come to understand their own limitations and their own faults. This is not, by any means, a purposeful goal of the Gods. Rather these beings of whimsy are creatures of action, chaos, and want with both the power to grab their desires and without the limitations to stop them.

Angel by Monsieur Le Battlier

Gods do not have domains or portfolios. There is no God of Air or God of Law or God of Joy. Those are for Kings. Gods have a motley, an assortment of things that interest and amuse them. They also possess a Motley, a colorful pattern that represents them. Every King a Crown and ever Fool their Motley.

You can pray and sacrifice to a King all day and they are not going to answer. If your crops were supposed to flourish, then the various Kings associated would have ensured it. But if you pray to a God, they might take notice. You may wake up and find your crops have grown overnight, making you a fat and happy farmer. You may also wake and find your crops have become living topiary dinosaurs who are eating your livestock. Attracting the attention of a God is the height of foolishness, it is like handing your chair over to a whoopie cushion wielding jester only in this case the chair is your soul and the whoopie cushion is made of tentacles.

Patagora by  Monsieur Le Battlier

And yet there are fools aplenty out there that reach out to the Gods, seeking to reverse the natural order for their own benefit. They burn sacrifices and chant prayers and throw virgins into volcanoes. The Gods find this amusing and answer just often enough to keep us mortals begging for more.

Let us take, for example, Patagora, the Fool of Lies and Disdain. An emaciated being with inverted hands, a mouth full of rotted stolen dentures, and two tongues- one of lead and the other of silver. Patagora is only capable of telling lies, however they are wholly committed to the truth of their statements. Its lies are so horrid and powerful that they warp reality to fit its thoughts, only resulting in it expressing distaste and hate for the new truths that only moments before had been its own thoughts.

If you need a bizarre deity to ruin the day of your players, or something to balance out the overly orderly Metaphysical Courtiers, give a couple of rolls on the chart below and make yourself a Fool.

Roll	Color 1	Color 2	Interest 1	Interest 2
1	Red	Red	Lies	Truth
2	Green	Green	Innocence	Corruption
3	Yellow	Yellow	Fertility	Sterility
4	Blue	Blue	Rapture	Rage
5	Orange	Orange	Hope	Despair
6	Purple	Purple	Wonder	Disillusionment
7	Cyan	Cyan	Pity	Disdain
8	Magenta	Magenta	Mania	Melancholy
9	Lime	Lime	Civilization	Barbarism
10	Pink	Pink	Pleasure	Pain
11	Teal	Teal	Flesh	Spirit
12	White	White	Fortune	Misfortune
13	Brown	Brown	Benevolence	Cruelty
14	Beige	Beige	Nature	Artifice
15	Maroon	Maroon	Peace	War
16	Mint	Mint	Beauty	Hideousness
17	Olive	Olive	Serenity	Madness
18	Black	Black	Knowledge	Idiocy
19	Navy	Navy	Comedy	Tragedy
20	Gray	Gray	Union	Division