Sunday, August 2, 2020

Carnival Mini Games for my Eldritch Americana Campaign

My group of Eldritch Americana waste-wanderers are having a low stakes filler episode at the carnival. Here are some mini games we did while there. Most of the games are rigged. Encourage players to sneakily screw over the carnies at the midway. It is 1908, the Moon is shattered, the Elder Gods have returned and Centaur President Teddy Roosevelt is on his way out. Time to have fun.



High Striker

Good old hit the lever with the hammer and ring the bell. A straight up and down strength contest...well 1-in-10 times. The other 9-in-10 times its rigged and there is no way in hell you could win. Prize is bragging rights and a jumbo sized stuffed teddy bear.

Coconut Shy
Stack of 6 coconuts knock them down for a prize. Touted as a test of manual dexterity and skill.

Dex test will always result in 1 staying up, Strength test to knock them all down (glued together).

Small Prize- A coconut

Big prize- Chalkware figurine , 1-in-6 chance of being cursed, 1-in-6 chance of being worth a small fortune to a collector.

Ring Toss
Toss rings to get prizes. Attack roll against Chain for random prize, Attack roll against Plate + Shield for a specific prize. This can work with a Balloon Pop game too.

Red- Chinese Finger trap, may require a Wisdom or Strength check to escape.
Orange - Goldfish
Yellow- Beaglepuss glasses, may work as a disguise against particularly dense NPCs.
Green- Living Balloon animal (acts as animal it is modeled after, 1 hp, no defense)
Blue- Tickets for Ferris wheel
Indigo- Big Swirly Lollipop
Violet- Scented Paper Flower
Octarine- Can only be seen by those with Wizard Vision or getting a critical success, win a random Minor Magic Item

Whack a Mole

A Mole-Man in a white jump suit pops up from one of 5 holes around you. Roll under initiative to hit them with a paint soaked foam-bat. The Mole-Man also has a paint-bat and will hit you back if you miss. Least painted after 5 rounds wins. Prize is a folding hand fan painted by the Mole-Man.

Bobbing for Heads 

A carnie with a can stands before a tin tub full of water. "Bobbing for heads," he hawks, "That's right bobbing for heads, fun for the whole family!" When approached, he unsheathes his cane sword and cleanly slices off the heads of the interested party members. He rolls the still living heads into the water where they must shout commands to their headless bodies to pick their head back up and attach it back to their body. Remember left-to-right reversal also potential shenanigans for putting the wrong head on the wrong body.

Tunnel of Love

Yeah we had a romantic scene with magic lights and a first kiss between a man and a gooseman. DON'T JUDGE ME BRO IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

Ferris Wheel

Nice big Ferris Wheel, see your house from the top. 1-in-6 chance it gets stuck with folks at the top. 1-in-6 chance it spins wildly out of control.

Wooden Roller Coaster

Roll constitution to avoid vomiting, immune to similar effects after saving.

Ghost Train
Ride in a mine cart through a “haunted tunnel” while a variety of horrors cause Fear effect, save or react appropriately. Saving against Fear effect here renders you immune to Fear on your next appropriate encounter. I'm personally excited for the potential here because the Fear effects reactions from my party here range from Run Away to Freeze Up to GOOSE ATTACK MODE.

GLOOP! Eating Contest-

Contestants have their hands tied behind their backs and sit in front of a large trough. Gloop! of a variety of flavors is released into the trough. The Gloop wants to be eaten and makes happy cooing noises as they shove and ooze their way to the contestants' mouths. Roll Con each round to keep down the Gloop,  may have other effects depending on the type of Gloop eaten. Last one standing wins. NPC contestants have 8, 10, 12, and 14 Con. Any vomited Gloops will coo sadly then try to have someone else eat them. Winner gets a 2 HD Gloop pet. 

Friday, May 22, 2020

Craterton

I was going to make a play report for the live GLOG stuff I've been playing but I've not been in the right mind place to write it all up yet. It is nominally another Tomb of the Serpent Kings play through in what is essentially a take on Arnold K's Eldritch Americana. However after only going a little ways into the tomb, my players decided to head back to town for plans, supplies, and misadventures. We've spent the last three sessions in town and they are enjoying themselves so much that I'm afraid they won't leave. Here's a quick overview.


Craterton

Government:

  • Mayor Godfrey Burp, sentient gas-based lifeform from another dimension, inhabits a deep sea diving suit, will do anything to be re-elected, wants to turn the local snakeman tombs into tourist attraction.

  • Assistant Mayor Parry-Parry-Lunge- An épée  swerda stuck in a tall, thin androgynous body, wears a variety of fancy hats. Can't talk, but is really good at charades.

  • Katrina Van Tassel- Burp’s Blemmyes secretary. Pince nez glasses, feathery hat, crows feet. Breeds Schnappshunds, 700 lb alcoholic bat-dog-camel beasts.


Landmarks


The Tagaq River, infested with Walrus.

The Rock: Fell from the Moon when it hatched, the cause of the crater. About 5 stories tall, City Hall is built in front of it. 


Locations:

  • University Extension Office- Underwhelming, run by Theo Finch, a twitchy man who mostly runs tests and numbers for the main campus. Believes in Sneeple. No students currently here. Building has a few temporary bedrooms, a testing room, and four temporary professor offices. Dr. Azoth, Chemistry, Dr. Drenan, Archaeology, Dr. Gilead, Medicine, Dr. N. T. Bang, Public Speaking.

  • The Galvanic Shrine of Edidon: Power Plant, Ardents of Edison take shifts turning The Great Amber Wheel to produce electricity. Mother Ion leads the congregation. 

  • The Chamber of Commerce/Tourism Board: Desperately trying to bolster the town into something more than it is, currently just made it into an iffy tourist trap.

  • Rook’s Hashish Lounge- A hookah bar run by Roland Rook, a crowperson cowboy. Doesn’t really know what Hashish is, just stuffs random herbs into waterbongs and sees what happens.

  • Crooner’s Saloon: A Karaoke bar, owner is notoriously bad at singing. Drinks are great though. Deaf Dan is here, so is Boblin the Goblin, Halifax the Thief-King, various students. Bartender is Petey the Parrot

  • Cafe de la Lune: Near to townhall and the Rock, a cafe filled with small tables, chairs, checkers, outside seating and nearly no customers right now. Coffee comes from network of brass tubes and steamworks that take up most of the ceiling and the wall behind the counter. Run by married pair of scarab headed women, (Totally Khepri)

  • Ma Lubbik’s Five and Dime: General store with most general goods you might need. Ma Lubbik wares exceptionally thick glasses and has homemade boiled sweets at the counter. Carries basic guns and ammunition. Keeps a secret stock of dynamite.

  • The People Place: A temp hiring agency. Currently has a few students, a handful of roughnecks, The Mysterious Friend, and others. No staff, there is a coin operated tube that drops a lottery ball indicating who is available. 

  • The Water Shop: Sells various waters, the owner is a Vodyanoy named Bolotnik, and sits in a bathtub in the middle of the store.

  • See No Evil: Shop is completely dark, sells mildly cursed trinkets. Owner is exceptionally ugly, 

  • Pawn Shop: Run by a trio of Mandrills, Marley, Harley, and Barley. The three of them are colored Gold, Silver, and Bronze.  

  • Land Office: Currently selling plots of land, includes novelty plots of land on the moon, Mars, and Opponent Earth.staffed by Norbert Stroud who is...uncomfortably attentive.

  • Tame Mimic Shop: Sells “tame” mimics that come in various forms. Current popular model is “Wooden Chair''.” Whole store is actually a mimic. Owner is Miss Faux, who is actually a mimic and the entire store.

  • The Sounds Shop: Sells sounds on wax cylinders, owner is made of wax, talks through photographs. Mr. Fin, sort for Paraffin. Some cylinders contain spells, curses, or both.

  • Telegraph Office: Next to Sounds Shop, Telegrapher has fractal hands and too many ears. No mouth. Fifty cents for a 10 word message from coast to coast.

  • Tinkerer/Blacksmith: Jackie Pulpit, mostly does farrier work but can handle custom jobs and tinkers with specialty guns.


Encounter Table, Road between Craterton and Anywhere Else

1-6 Bandits

7. Many Legged Walrus

8. Springchicken

9. Gifthorse

10. Roadhog

11. Scapegoat

12. Swarm of Wild Manikins

13. Skeleton Jelly

14. Goddamn Goblins

15. Swerda

16. Humsloth

17. Novelty Zombie

18. Boneneedle Man

19. Maenads

20. Troll 50% Metastasized


Friday, May 1, 2020

Automated GLOG Sheet

Oh hey, I made an automated GLOG google sheets character sheet based on Skerples' Many Rats hack. Tell me what you think, tell me what you think needs added. Feel free to copy and edit however you like!

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Gourmet Street Now Available!



That's right my hungry friends, Gourmet Street is now available on Itch.Io! Those of you who backed the kickstarter should have received your key this morning and those of you who missed out on the kickstarter now have a chance to buy it!

https://theunlawfulneutral.itch.io/gourmet-street-fantasy-food

  •  A New Setting! - Gourmet Street, a collection of scattered and bizarrely connected alleyways, it seems to pop up in any settlement large enough to begin thinking of itself as a city. Stacked high in wood carts, laid out on intricate rugs, swimming in a myriad of sauces, food is the name of the game on Gourmet Street.
  •  ONE MILLION Food Vendors and Menus! - Never eat the same thing twice! Generate from 8,000 possible unique food vendors and LITERALLY ONE MILLION possible dishes; ranging from Soft-shelled Crabman Sandwiches with Tzatziki sauce and Egg Coffee, to Myconid Zapiekanka in Pesto with a shot of Absinthe! 
  •  Food Factions! - From the hyper-radical (and slightly deranged) Neuvo Gastro-Alchemists, to the fanatical and militant Vinegar Knights, the food factions each come with their own wants, goals, and boons, IF you choose to serve them...
  •  A One-Page Adventure: ESCAPE FROM GOURMET STREET! Help a pair (or trio) of star-crossed lovers escape from Gourmet Street in a Snake-and-Ladders inspired chase! Fend off rival lovers, food cart brawls and escaped dishes as you dash through the alleys of Gourmet Street!
  •  And More! Monsters, magic items, and cookbooks for both Players and GMs to use and abuse!

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

d100 Phobias



Oh hey, Magnus Archives is back. Lets celebrate with a list of weird niche phobias.

Roll
Phobia
1
Sticky Fingers
2
Long nails
3
Clacking teeth
4
Water
5
Large spaces
6
Small Spaces
7
Being crowded
8
Being alone
9
Being a tulpa
10
Clowns, but specifically ones not currently dressed as clowns
11
Being followed by, but not attacked by, polar bears
12
Being hated for reasons you were once loved
13
Falling into a crevasse
14
Human-like figures
15
Puppies
16
Those fish in Korean foot spas
17
Quilts with mismatching squares
18
Cat bean toes
19
Holes
20
Piles of leaves
21
People crunching ice cubes
22
Tadpoles
23
Human-like animals
24
Animal-like Humans
25
C# note
26
Matryoshka Dolls
27
Anything spherical 
28
Religious iconography
29
The fact so many things taste like chicken
30
Maths (Common among druids)
31
Horses (and anything close to them)
32
Impossible Colors ( Stygian Blue for example) 
33
The consistency of cottage cheese
34
Doppelgangers
35
Fire
36
Alliteration 
37
Tiny people living in the walls
38
Being found dead in an embarrassing position
39
Dim light, not darkness, just dim
40
Of being a matryoshka doll
41
Grease
42
Spirals
43
Finding a hole perfect for you
44
Fish rising from the sea and taking over
45
Mosquitos 
46
Things living inside furniture
47
Skeletons, but only the ones still inside people
48
Holidays without an apparently religious purpose
49
Your own reflection
50
Being selected for an epic quest
51
Never being selected for an epic quest
52
Tests of any kind
53
Eggs
54
Buer
55
Attractive doctors
56
Voiding yourself in public
57
Any music more energetic than smooth jazz
58
Aging
59
Disease
60
Getting caught in your own web of lies
61
MEAT
62
The Unknown
63
Being controlled
64
Unpredictable violence
65
Predictable violence
66
Descending into madness and not knowing it
67
Descending into madness and very much knowing it
68
Death
69
Perverse jokes
70
The Dark
71
Bright Light
72
Magic (the sleight of hand kind)
73
Magic (the real kind)
74
Long words
75
Short words
76
Opposable thumbs
77
The word “It”
78
Forgetting anything
79
Losing any part of yourself (skin flakes and snot included)
80
Not being able to go back to your old career
81
Having to go back to your old career
82
Being recognized in a crowd
83
All of the supposedly good bacteria
84
The inevitable progression of entropy
85
The possibility that there is no intrinsic meaning in the world
86
The possibility there is intrinsic meaning in the world, and you’re wrong about it
87
The possibility there is intrinsic meaning in the word, and you’re right about it.
88
Being attacked while bathing
89
Topiary
90
Artificial light sources
91
The eyes on goats, sheep, and octopuses 
92
The sounds hear in perfect silence
93
Waking up in an ice bath with missing organs
94
Waking up in a cornfield with extra organs
95
Contracts (and probably Lawyers)
96
Patterns, especially on undergarments 
97
The sound of bells
98
Fungi, molds, and any related byproducts
99
Realizing that you are in a dream but being unable to wake up
100
Your whole life actually being a game.