Thursday, June 14, 2018

Random Table of Metaphysical Courtiers

These folks, just with more eldritch appendages and auxiliary mouths.


Okay, so we have Princes and we have Kings, what about everything else? Well, what is royalty without a court of hangers on, landed gentry, and conniving aristocracy? So, we've got courtiers and Lesser Nobility. They don't rule over aspects of reality as the Kings and Princes do, they are more like the means by which they rule. If you had Wizard Vision, you would probably see the Marquis of Leg Lifting and its Knights ensuring that your dog is peeing correctly or the Earl of Earwax measuring the amount of cerumen in the Princess' ears. Mind you, not everyone in a Court is a Courtier. The itinerant Fools who wander between court to court are what we mortals typically refer to as Gods, and they have nothing to do with the way the world works.

See that monkey? That is who collects your prayers.
Cobbled Skald by Kieth Thompson
So, you need some random spirit, something for the Wizard to be abscently staring at, something that flirts just at the corner of someone's eye (probably the Count of Tears, counting their tears). Here's just a random table of beings that could be encounters, be subject of inane peasant beliefs, or just fill in background space.

Roll
Title
Domain
1
Abbot
Acne
2
Admiral
Arms
3
Allamah
Bad Hairdye Jobs
4
Archbishop
Bent Playing Cards
5
Archdeacon
Bones
6
Archduke
Book Glue
7
Archon
Chips
8
Archpriest
Clips
9
Baron 
Cobwebs
10
Baronet
Copper Wire
11
Bey
Corks
12
Bishop
Crumpled Hats
13
Burgermeister
Déjà vu
14
Captain
Deflated Balls
15
Cardinal
Delayed Punchlines
16
Chairperson
Discarded Skin
17
Chamberlain
Dregs of Leftovers
18
Chancellor
Drunken Notes to Yourself
19
Chief 
Earwax
20
Colonel
Earworms
21
Commander
Erotic Salt/Pepper Shakers
22
Constable
Explained Itches
23
Corporal
Eye Floaters
24
Corrector
Eyes
25
Councillor
Faded Drawings
26
Count
Fake Banana Flavor
27
Dàifu 
Fingerprints on Glasses
28
Deacon 
Flavor of Electricity
29
Dean
Flotsom
30
Doctor
Flying in Dreams
31
Don
Forgetting Dreams
32
Duke
Frustrating Sticky Things
33
Earl
Funny Bone Reactions
34
Earl Marshal
Half-Lives
35
Elder
Homemade Knit Sweaters
36
Esquire
Idealized Crushes
37
Evangelist
Inescapable Halitosis
38
Faqih
Insomniatic Eureka Moments
39
Fellow
Jamais vu
40
Foreign minister
Jetsam
41
General
Kazoos
42
Gong 
Legs
43
Goodperson
Loose Change
44
Governor
Lost Left Socks
45
Grand Admiral
Meat Byproducts
46
Grand duke
Metallic Tastes
47
Grand Master
Mildew Smells
48
Hadrat
Missing Checkers Pieces
49
Herald
Missing, but Important Documents
50
Hidalgo
Mistletoe
51
Imam
Moldy, but Salvageable Food
52
Inquisitor
Molting
53
Junior Technician
Non-wet Dog Smell
54
Keeper
Once Met Relatives
55
Khawaja
Overly Ornate Silverware
56
Knight
Overstuffed Containers
57
Laoshi 
Paper Scraps
58
Lieutenant
Parallax
59
Lord
Perfectly Crisp Bacon
60
Magister
Popping Joints
61
Majordomo
Presque vu
62
Mandarin
Pretty Stones
63
Marquis
Random Goosebumps
64
Mayor
Random Embarrassing Memories
65
Mogul
Rennet
66
Monsignor
Rings You Can't Afford
67
Naib
Rote Behaviors
68
Prelate
Rusted Locks
69
Presbyter
Saliva
70
President
Sawdust
71
Primate
Shed eyelashes
72
Prime minister
Shedding
73
Pursuivant
Skipping Stones
74
Reader
Snapped Violin Strings
75
Reverend
Sneezes Caused by Light
76
Sacristan
Sore Teeth
77
Sahib
Spectacles
78
Saint
Spicy Food Regrets
79
Senator
Stagnant Water
80
Sergeant
Stones in Shoes
81
Sheik
Stubbed Toes
82
Shifu 
Sweat
83
Shigong 
Taxidermied Pets
84
Sir
The Glint of Gold
85
Squire
Things That Aren't Mint
86
Starosta
Tongues
87
Tenzo
Too Specific Lies
88
Tóngzhi 
Travelling Dread
89
Tribune
Unexplained Itches
90
Venerable
Unintended Compliments
91
Vicar general
Unintended Insults
92
Viceroy
Unwarranted Animosity
93
Viscount
Vague Sense of Being Followed
94
Vizer
Vaguely humanoid representations
95
Voivode
Verrucas
96
Weiyuán 
Very Slight Breezes
97
Xiansheng
Warped Reflections
98
Xiaozhang 
Waving Back to Strangers
99
Zhuxi 
Wet Dog Smell
100
Zongshi 
Words on the tip of your tongue



This, just so dense that you can't see your hands.