Monday, October 19, 2020

D100+ Demon Generator


Baron Faraii by Andrew Baker

So back in the day when Lucifer decided to rebel, he supposedly was able to get a third of the entire angelic host to rebel with him. While I'm no bible scholar, the numbers of angels I generally see quoted fall under the umbrella of "innumerable." So a third of innumerable is still well...innumerable. I am providing here some information on a hundred or so particularly well known demons based mostly on the Ars Goetia with a little bit of inspiration taken from here and there and some of my own flair.

The Pseudomonarchia Daemonum, the Grand Grimoire, The Book of Abraham, a few other grimoires and the works of Wayne Barlowe further gave inspiration to this list.

How to Deal with Demons
Dealing with demons is generally a bad idea. They are millennia older than you and have been dealing in this game for a long time. That said, centuries of occultists have researched and interacted with these fallen spirits and have found myriad incantations and ceremonies that can help in your endeavors. There are a few basics that need to be a part of any demon summoning ceremony:

1. Magic Circle- This should be a given for all but the most rudimentary of summoning magic. A well crafted Magic Circle helps to focus and refine the summoning energies required to locate and call an individual spirit rather than a broad category of creatures. Furthermore it will bind the spirit to the circumference of the circle and thus keep the summoner (mostly) safe from the spirit's direct influence. For summoning demons in particular, silver is the best material for a circle but salt will do in a pinch. Circles without some sort of anathema tied to it will do the job of summoning a spirit but be sorely under-equipped for binding the spirit.

2. Bait- Demons don't work for free unless forced to by an exceptional power greater than their own (eg Solomon's Seal.) So to call up the demon you want, you will need some sort of bait or sacrifice. This is not the price you are paying for the demon's service, think of it more like an entrance fee. Some demons have fairly simple hungers while others might be significantly more complex, this does not necessarily match with the power of said demon.

3. True Name- There are three broad categories of demons for our purposes here. Demons Major, Demons Minor and Lesser Demons. From a DnD standpoint think of them along the lines of True, Greater, and Lesser. Lesser Demons were part of the vast hordes of ordinary spirits who fell, their True Names were weak and shattered in their fall leaving them as near identical creatures that any old summoning will grab at random. Demons Minor were among the high Choirs, such as Powers, Virtues, and Dominions.Demons Major were the chiefest of angels before their fall, Seraphs, Cherubs, and Thrones. These Demon's names were twisted and corrupted in their fall but remain deeply embedded in their being and are represented by complex sigils. To call upon one of these mighty individuals you must know and use their Sigil as a part of the summoning, even a small error may call upon the wrong demon or worse, gravely insult the demon you were attempting to call.

The Benefits of Demon Summoning
Now that you have a general understanding of how, now you need to know the why. Here's the thing: you want something. You want it badly and you are willing to go to extreme lengths to get it. An honest person might work at more conventional means to reach that goal, but if you've even considered this then you probably can't be described as an "honest person." Demons provide a short cut to success. Angels will want to guide you. Elementals can't give two craps about your meat-needs. The Fae are more interested in mischief than they are in honoring deals. Demons, for the most part, have an active interest in you. Mostly this interest in finding ways to tempt you and lead your soul to their clutches. But hey, that's a problem for later right?

Think of the power that Demons are able to grant something like a specialized genie that works on commission. They can do one or a few things really well and in return ask for specific favors or sacrifices. A Demon with the appropriately sealed contract is less likely to Monkey Paw your wishes, because unlike the angry bottle-bound Efreet they are getting paid. That said, what a Demon gives is power, power is an addictive drug and Demons know that addicts are willing to pay a premium. The first taste is all but free, however further services will require escalating costs.

Professional Summoners
There are those out there who are not mere wizards and occultists, but true professional Summoners. Their focus and expertise is such that they are able to manifest and bind entities to their will for hours on end rather than bare minutes or just long enough to negotiate a contract. They are best known for the 99 Entities from their own lexicon, but a few move into the field of Demonology and draw from this list instead. These summoners do not make contracts for singular great feats, but instead form longer term bonds for lesser services. Some say that these summoners are actually calling up minor Avatars of these demons rather than the beings themselves, but that is a matter for the scholars.

Baphomet by Fel Vast

The Generator

D2 Willing to Negotiate. Demons who negotiate are sometimes also called Devils.

  1. Yes, let’s make a bargain!

D4 Cardinal Direction/Element/Season/ Preferred Sacrifice

  1. North - Air - Winter - Blood
  2. East - Fire - Spring - Riches
  3. South - Water - Summer - Souls
  4. West - Earth - Autumn - Rare Reagents 

D6 Body Plan- All Demons have horns, increasingly powerful ones have more, but they are able to absorb or display the horns at will. Demons often take the horns of rivals as a trophy. 

  1. Humanoid 
  2. Insectoid
  3. Mammalian (1-in-6 chance of Lion, Otherwise Random)
  4. Avian (1-in-6 chance of Raven/Crow, Otherwise Random)
  5. Reptilian
  6. Abstract, such as a screaming pentagram or stygian blue lightning

D8  Weakness

  1. Holy Sutras/Chants
  2. Silver
  3. Salt
  4. Holy Water
  5. Sunlight
  6. Specific Scents and Oils/Incense
  7. Innocence also Puppies
  8. Holy Symbols

D10 Title- Roll on the d12 table once per rank level

  1. No Title
  2. Knight
  3. President
  4. Baronet
  5. Baron
  6. Viscount
  7. Earl/Count
  8. Marquess- Roll 2x on d100 table
  9. Duke- Roll 2x on d100 table, 2x on General Powers
  10. Prince- Roll 4x on d100 table, 2x on General Powers
  11. King- Roll 4x on d100 table, 4x on General Powers
  12. Unique Title- Roll 6x on d100 table, 6x on General Powers

D10 Vice

  1. Anger
  2. Pride
  3. Deceit
  4. Envy
  5. Avarice
  6. Fear
  7. Gluttony
  8. Lust
  9. Sloth
  10. One of those really obscure ones like eating bed stuffing or something from deviantart

D12 Common Granted Powers- These are the common things they usually are summoned to grant, but these are not necessarily what they are limited to. All titled demons are also capable of granting familiars from their Legions. 

  1. Mastery of Arts (Liberal or Physical)
  2. Invisibility
  3. Granting magical power
  4. Granting love
  5. Immortality
  6. Reveal Secret Treasures/Grant Wealth
  7. Build great artifices
  8. Answering questions of the Past or Future
  9. Astral Project/Flight
  10. Power over Animals
  11.  Power over People
  12. Causing Harm 

D20 General Powers

  1. Necromancy
  2. Elemental -mancy (matching to d4 result)
  3. Hemomancy
  4. Shapeshifting
  5. Entropy Control
  6. Mind Control/Charm
  7. Weather Control
  8. Precognition
  9. Massive Physical Strength
  10. Poison Generation
  11. Flesh Crafting
  12. Gravity Manipulation
  13. Transmutation of Materials (Lead to Gold, Water to Blood etc)
  14. Darkness/Shadow Manipulation
  15. Insect Spawning/Control
  16. Disease Creation/Manipulation
  17. Possession
  18. Puppetry
  19. Localized Omniscience 
  20. Dream Control

D100 Unique Attributes

  1. Affinity for Slime/Filth
  2. Affinity for Rot/Mushrooms
  3. Resistant to Sacred/Hallowed Lands
  4. Hooves
  5. Projectile Vomiting of Unnatural Things (insects, blood, change, etc.)
  6. Aversion to Weirdly Specific Objects/Places (the local Walmart, holly, etc.)
  7. Suits, Suits, and more Suits. Also carries a suitcase full of souls. 
  8. Is the Tax Man
  9. Is a Hellmouth, can act as a gate for other demons
  10. Aura of Rot, everything around them ages at 100x the normal speed
  11. Feeds on Fear
  12. Let’s Give it Wings, higher rank = more wings. 
    1. Bird
    2. Bat
    3. Insect
    4. Metallic
    5. Bone
    6. Strange Geometry 
  13. Creepy Child Form
  14. Aura of Inciting Rage
  15. Two Mouths, One is Constantly Eating, the other Constantly Talking
  16. Has only 666 more souls they need to personally damn before they win a bet with an angel and gets to switch roles.
  17. Fa/Mother Of Monsters: Can rapidly spawn other hideous monsters 
  18. Has 1d100 eyes which
    1. Are jammed into its skull
    2. Distributed across their body
    3. Extend in stalks
    4. Float freely
    5. Are inside of Thrall bodies
    6. Make up the whole of their form
  19. Has a terrible, hideous steed 
  20. Aura of constant ominous Latin chanting
  21. Turn water into 80-proof whiskey
  22. 1d20 Extra mouths that are always whispering inappropriate things
  23. Non-euclidean face geometry
  24. Has a shrill, unintimidating voice that they are very sensitive about, but can release devastating screams. 
  25. Can absorb dead organic matter into their being
  26. Has uncooperative snakes for hair
  27. Is mildly allergic to the air in the material plane
  28. Has limbs that split and grow like fractals
  29. Has horns and claws honed to molecular sharpness
  30. Sweats highly corrosive acid
  31. Smells of fire and brimstone
  32. Smells of fire and brimstone, but it’s actually rancid egg farts
  33. Perfectly, hideously immaculate and symmetrical
  34. Can shift between 2D, 3D and 4D forms. 
  35. Being “killed” only causes it to reform as a new demon of a rank lower
  36. Can shift between classical elemental powers/resistances with a thought.
  37. Capable of creating vast and life-like illusions
  38. Is actually made up of a massive swarm of locusts that slot perfectly into place to form the demon.
  39. Phases through any material that isn’t silver or blessed. 
  40. Has a vast cult at their beck and call.
  41. Always appears with two vassal demons, generate 2 demons of 2 ranks lower
  42. Has very strange rebellious politics
  43. Can manifest any mundane object with a snap
  44. Speaks backwards
  45. Magic is suppressed in their presence unless their weakness is presented
  46. Has breath that is a spiritual poison, affects even things normally unaffected by poison. A specially prepared silver ring negates this. 
  47. Master over Hellfire, which affects normally incombustible things and can only be put out with holy water
  48. Master of Felfire, which is invisible and painless, but still destructive. Using magical means of looking at it is damaging to the retina.
  49. Can shrink to flea size or inflate to titanic kaiju size. 
  50. Oozes The ORKUS
  51. Can spit petrifying loogies. 
  52. Can split themselves into multiple lesser demons and recombine
  53. Is favored by the Court of the Fly and enjoys special political protections and privileges in Hell 
  54. Is favored by the Court of Sargatanas and is secretly working on a method to redeem Hell's inhabitants. 
  55. Is a Vassal of Abaddon, Lord of the Pit, and specializes in negating the defenses of other infernal beings.
  56. Always arrives with a great cacophony of trumpets and gratuitous special effects.  
  57. Their presence is so terrible that the unprepared are frozen with fear and the especially faint of heart may drop dead
  58. Can heal any wound on a target. It leaves behind an infernal brand and the demon can reopen the wound at will
  59.  Can levitate at will with perfect precision 
  60. Knows the names and histories of all dead sinners.
  61. All Demons possess terrible magical weapons, however this one's weapon is a truly mighty pre-Fall artifact.
  62. Has 1d6+1 Heads, each a different creature
  63. Only speaks in High Infernal, somewhere between extreme Legalese and an agonized wail. Listening to it makes ears bleed.
  64. Is distantly related to the party's Tiefling
  65. Is able to teleport themselves and anyone else contracted to them anywhere without error. 
  66. Is not actually a demon, but a primordial Abyssal, one of the original native of Hell. 
  67. Has a fondness for taking the form of saints, priests, and other holy figures to tempt and confound mortals.
  68. Was trained in the sensual arts by Lilith herself.
  69. Disregard everything else, its actually Buer or one of his Minions 
  70. Any space they occupy has constant shifting haunting effects 
  71. Is a writhing mass of flesh and chain, the chain is the true demon
  72. Is bound by an ancient contract not to harm anyone of a specific bloodline.
  73.  Bleeds ink that writes itself into vindictive curses.
  74.  Is sealed inside of an Iron Flask because its physical form is too hideous for ever other demons
  75.  Has secretly been behind all the best music to come out in the past century.
  76. Collects the skulls of their victims and can call them into their service.
  77. Make a hobby of creating hideous experimental zombies 
  78. Appears like a completely average human, but has an incredibly unnerving presence  
  79. Is actually several dozen imps in a papier-mâché skin filling in for their master.
  80. Grows blades from their back that can cut through absolutely anything
  81. Is bound to a powerful blade which possesses the body of a lesser demon
  82. Is so hideously corpulent that all but the greatest attacks are mere flesh-wounds to it
  83. Is a master Conjurer and can effectively cast and modify any spell-effect 5 times out of 6 
  84. Is able to bring mortal's sins to the surface as dense black orbs, more sinful the mortal more overwhelmingly heavy the orb is
  85. Is a full on sado-masochist Cenobite
  86. Body constantly oozes molten metal that it is able to quickly solidify into anything in its terrible imagination 
  87. Is able to corrupt and control all nearby plantlife
  88. Has taken on the perfect form, that of a great crustacean with countless claws
  89. Possesses a chimerical parasite that doesn't always agree with the main body, such as a smary snake-tail
  90. Can continuously grow its teeth and control their shape even if they're removed from their mouth
  91. While still harmed by their weakness, it also invokes a masochistic delight in them
  92. Any wound they deliver is instantly infested with infernal maggots.
  93. They are actually a very lost daemon who is looking for the humans they're supposed to be patrons for.
  94. Is actually an angel working deep undercover (50% Chance this is a delusion)
  95. Is actually a Dharmapala, and wants to help you reach enlightenment 
  96. You know that gut feeling you get that everything is about to go to shit despite everything otherwise seeming fine? Yeah its this demon's fault
  97. Will grant a corrupted wish to whomever says it’s name 3 times
  98. 98 Roll 2 more times on the General Power list
  99. 99 Roll 3 more times on this list
  100. Shit, you summoned Lucifer. Anything on this post, whenever they want

Friday, October 16, 2020

Sunday, October 11, 2020

d100+ Witch Generator

The World On Her Head by Rimma 'zooyeglass' Deli

First an important note on:

How to tell a Witch from a Wizard

  1. A Wizard has a Tower, a Witch has a Cottage
  2. A Wizard is an introvert, a Witch is also an introvert but is one of those sorts that has to extrovert constantly as part of their job.
  3. A Wizard paid a lot of money to know things. A Witch put in hard work to know that the wizard got themselves into student debt for no good reason.
  4. A Wizard wears a pointy hat which shouts, “I AM THE WIZARD.” A witch wears a pointy hat that calmly informs you, “I am A witch."
  5. A wizard knows what a spell does. A witch knows what the spell is for.
  6. A wizard has ampules, phials and flasks. A witch has jars, pots and jugs.
  7. Wizards and Witches are both fond of pickling things. You are more likely to be able to eat whatever the witch pickled.
  8. A wizard hates people. A witch hates what people are when left to their own foolish devices.
  9. A wizard expects to be reimbursed for their “services.” A witch never expects to be reimbursed, but they always are anyways.
  10. Having a wizard in your community is like having a mildly unstable nuclear bomb on hand. Having a witch in your community is like having a fully staffed social services program and a fairly decent hospital. Guess which one regular folk prefer?

A Witch who cackles is barely better than a Wizard. Note that one of the differences is not gender, a Witch or a Wizard can be any gender even if ignorant townsfolk might make assumptions if you have a pointy hat and a beard.

Witchsona by Doodlekiidd

The Witch Generator

Anything on this list can be Boffo or Headology, that is to say something that isn’t necessarily true about the witch but the witch encourages people to believe to keep up a healthy aura of fear/respect. 

2 Hungry? Alternatively, Green?
  1. Eats Kids - Not Green
  2. Doesn't Eat Kids - Green

4 Aspect- Traditional terms, but others can be used. White Hat, Grey Hat and Black Hat for example.
  1. Maiden
  2. Mother
  3. Crone
  4. Three-In-One
6 Familiar
  1. Crow
  2. Toad
  3. Cat
  4. Bat
  5. Big Spider
  6. Something...weird

Witchsona by Beebeediboop

Specialty- All witches are proficient in basic medicine/herbalism and have First Sight and Second Thoughts. That is, they see what’s really there and they think about their own thoughts.
  1. Weather
  2. Potions
  3. Transformations
  4. (Un)Sympathetic Magic
  5. Runes/Sigils
  6. Misfortune Telling
  7. Flora and Fauna
  8. Curse Making/Breaking

10 Theme
  1. Classic/Cunning Folk
  2. Neo-Pagan
  3. Tumblr Witchsona
  4. Maho Shojo
  5. Trash Witch, always has a shitty griffon familiar 
  6. Fairy Godparent (really a type of witch)
  7. Swamp Witch
    Granny Ogg by Rob Lopatto
  9. Goth
  10. Scary Child

10 Wyrd Transport
  1. Besoom
  2. Huge mortar and pestle
  3. Hut on Chicken Feet
  4. Giant black cat
  5. Chariot pulled by winged goats
  6. A chair with a thousand ravens tied to it
  7. Turns into a swarm of insects
  8. An Umbrella
  9. Flies without mechanical aid by lifting themselves up by their bootstraps
  10. Literally anything they can smear Flying Ointment on
12 Sources of Power
  1. The Land (Everyone knows the best witches are grown in the mountains)
  2. Ancestry, its witches all the way down
  3. The Fey, all that time spent around mushrooms as a kid
  4. Infernal Pact, specifically with a black goat
  5. Inherited the power from another witch on their deathbed
  6. Was the 8th child of an 8th child, don’t let on to anyone that you’ve got wizard magic
  7. People just started assuming and after a while it turned out they were right
  8. Blood, sweat, tears and a long apprenticeship to a senior witch.
  9. Possessed by an ancient body-swapping hag
  10. Sheer willpower, really a can-do attitude and a drive to fix the lives around you is enough
  11. Everyone has a nipples-in-10 chance of being a born witch.
  12. Actually listening to all your grandma’s folk wisdom

Tiffany Aching by Benjamin Scott

20 Signature Magical Tool

  1. Witch Ladder aka a Shamble
  2. Athame and Boline- KNIFE WITCH
  3. Book of Shadows/Diary
  4. Nithing Pole, flayed horse skin and skull on a pole. METAL
  5. Mask(s)
  6. Copious Jewelry
  7. Needles (Knitting/Sewing/Surgical/Poking)
  8. Oven Cauldron
  9. A telescopic 3-in-1 Wand/Broom/Spear Combo Tool
  10. Turpentine and a good Cussing
  11. A pair of mirrors
  12. Smudge Sticks, oooh this one smells like cinnamon
  13. A cast iron pan
  14. A saucer and an inkwell
  15. A spade/shovel/pickaxe
  16. A collection of humorously shaped mushrooms
  17. A golden stamp/seal
  18. A variety of colored lenses
  19. A big creepy lantern
  20. Distaff and spindle
100 Quirk- May or may not be true
  1. Long nose with olfactory strength of a bloodhound
  2. Has two bodies and one soul, bodies get more clumsy the further they are from one another.
  3. Can step outside their own body and roam as a spirit, body is inert.
  4. Is fatally allergic to water, but can be reconstituted and revived by pouring a heaping spoon of sugar into their melted remains.
  5. Has a creepy collection of dolls who may or may not be haunted.
  6. Has a clockwork heart and cannot die while it continues to tick
  7. Communes with bees
  8. Can sour milk with a word, useful for making cheese
  9. Can speak at length to various barnyard animals on topics so boring that the animal falls over dead
  10. Knows the “Horseman’s Word” and can freeze any Odd-Toed Ungulate in their tracks
  11. Is unable to pass through a room containing a colander without having to stop and count all the holes.
  12. Has terrible Iron Teeth that can bite through anything
  13. Has to answer any riddle posed to them
  14. Only speaks in iambic pentameter
  15. Can talk objects into life
  16. Weighs as much as a duck
  17. Can turns folks into a newt (and other amphibians)
  18. Can build surprisingly sound structures out of baked goods.
  19. Collects toenails of their victims to personally give to Hel
  20. Their heterochromia allows them to invoke the Evil Eye and dispel it
  21. Has several score tiny angry “fair folk” at their beck and call
  22. Is blind, but has honed their precognition to the point that they always see a few seconds into the future.
  23. Hair can move independently of body and has the grip strength of an octopus
  24. Can produce 8 gallons of ectoplasm daily
  25. Casts no reflection or shadow, can’t be photographs or otherwise depicted through art
  26. Comes in the night with a huge sack to take away naughty children
  27. Can stretch their limbs 50’ and snatch up unsuspecting victims
  28. You can hear their teeth grinding a mile away
  29. Can breath underwater
  30. Cannot be touched by fire
  31. Can steal your name and give you an awful one. 
  32. Can call up a terrible storm with the help of a coven of 3 or more
  33. They are actually made of wood
  34. More warts than face
  35. Can attach their senses to other creatures, see what they see, hear what they hear etc.
  36. Weaves the names and fates of those in region into a vast tapestry
  37. Keeps a demon and a hoard of treasure in their basement
  38. Know the exact time and place of their own death and cannot be fatally injured before then
  39. Can open their mouth so wide that the top touches the sky and the bottom plummets to hell
  40. Grows into a terrible giant when provoked
  41. Turns wicked folks into pigs and keeps them on their farm
  42. Knows how to do the “Pig Trick” without a pig, much to many other witches' shock and disgust
  43. Skin changes color depending upon their mood
  44. Can stand so still that they blend into the background
  45. Can choose to make no noise whatsoever
  46. They are immortal until they find their one true love
  47. Is a master of Unfission and is in fact several dozen witches. 
  48. Can age up or down anything they touch, doesn’t affect overall lifespan though
  49. Is actually an imp piloting a corpse
  50. Knows how to enchant beans and salt to drive away ghosts
  51. Knows where the [Magical Weapon] of Destiny is and who is destined to wield it
  52. Anything they yell becomes locally true, they dislike noises louder than a whisper though
  53. Lives through time backwards
  54. Is able to balance and judge any argument for an outcome best for both parties
  55. Any bag, pocket or hat works like a Bag of Holding for them
  56. Knows a tune that can rise the dead and make them dance
  57. Thawed out from a far northern Kingdom
  58. Their eyes glow with the strength of a bullseye lantern
  59. Only sleeps for 1 minute each day
  60. Has terrible claws that can cut through steel like butter
  61. Any affect that would scare lesser folks simply makes this witch furious
  62. Can control sand, they’re the Sand Witch.
  63. Can make a delicious soup from any ingredient. ANY
  64. Can somersault and roll down hills like a wheel...or A BUER
  65. Can put an entire kingdom to sleep in they put their mind to it
  66. Can change sex at will
  67. Is the sibling-in-law to the current King/President/Warlord
  68. Is actually a banished fairy noble, cursed to human skin
  69. .Breath is so bad it wilts flowers
  70. Has one withered arm and one HULKING MONSTER ARM
  71. Is physically harmed by sincere compliments
  72. .They are invigorated by nasty remarks
  73. Their words can literally cut
  74. They are only able to show one emotion a day.
  75. Has a weakness for especially gaudy jewelry, but can instantly appraise anything
  76. For the right price, they can regurgitate exactly what you need.
  77. Can speak out gold and jewels
  78. Can speak Toad Words 
  79. Keeps dozens of jars of marbles, they are all the lost memories
  80. Can speak an Earworm that slowly fills up your thoughts until it hatches from your skull
  81. Practices Hardcore Astrology 
  82. Knows the language of birds, also they are very easily annoyed
  83. Deaf, but has heard everything ever whispered
  84. Each part of the witch is independently alive and mobile, will rebuild themselves if hacked apart
  85. Has a garden that grows a tree from anything planting there, the fertilizer is something eldritch and terrible
  86. Has a tongue of Lead and a tongue of Silver, capable of speaking horrid truths and sweet lies simultaneously.
  87. Is filled with a terrible ichorous corruption, The Orkus 
  88. Can control the land of their home region as well as they could control their own hand.
  89. Is a close personal friend of Sasquatch
  90. Knows the method of producing mirror honey
  91. Meeting eyes with the witch will reveal to them all your terrible 3 AM secrets.
  92. Is covered in tattoos depicting sentient Stories that they have tamed.
  93. Is a metal witch-shaped cauldron: the actual witch is the sentient brew inside. Doesn't move but just appears in places, casts spells through boiling broth fumes
  94. Scooped out their own brain, they cannot be scryed, their thoughts cannot be read, their emotions cannot be altered.
  95. Can suck out your soul and stick it into a jack o lantern
  96. Has been North of Reality and back.
  97. Makes deals with devils, always comes out on top somehow.
  98. Can turn hearts into powerful protective amulets.
  99. Legendary “hag,” Roll 3 times
  100. Roll 20 times, they ordered pretty much everything from the “Wicked Witch” collection in the Boffo Catalogue
Trash Witch by Charlie Ferguson-Avery

Three Sisters by Alexander Shatohin

Sunday, October 4, 2020

Summoning Gone Wrong: 1d100 Summoning Mishaps

Summoning is not an exact science. Or rather, it is an incredibly exact science that even the smallest deviation can cause countless repercussions. A few too many grains of salt, an imperfect circle, getting the inflection wrong on the incantation. This is why battle-field summoning tends to call only the weakest of extradimensional creatures or beings that the caster holds a contract with. 

Here are some possible misfortunes that might behalf a summoner who used the wrong shade of black in their invocation candles. 

The Summoning by Nico Navarro
  1. Poof! Smoke and nothing more.

  2. Summons half of the intended target, which promptly falls over dead

  3. Reverse Summon, summoner appears before the intended target

  4. Summons a sandwich, there is ham and cheese but no mustard. 

  5. Room fills with burning brimstone

  6. Room floods with Manna

  7. Accidently opens a Hellmouth, d666 HD worth of demons flood out

  8. Fairy Ring created, mushrooms pop up all around the summoner. Summoner reappears 1d100 years later after a stay with a Fairy (50% Seelie 50% Unseelie) Court.

  9. Hole Opened to a random cave in the Veins of the Earth.

  10. Summon works but the target is unbound


  12. Summon works, target is in the bathtub and is very mad about this intrusion

  13. An angry Efreeti is shows up and offers a Monkey’s Paw type wish

  14. You summon your Qareen (your spiritual double) into the physical plane, the summoner’s soul is sundered in doing this leaving the Quareen and the Summoner each with half the Summoner’s original stats

  15. A Nasnas is called up, it has one leg, one eye, and one arm. It proceeds to hop around in an attempt to “tag” you in a friendly game. Save or Die if it touches you.


  17. Call up the spirit of a deceased ancestor to viciously berate you. 

  18. Called up the local Genius Loci, treat as a 1d20HD Elemental, a local landmark stands up and causes chaos.

  19. Kuda-gitsune infestation, tiny foxes fill up every hole in the vicinity and steal all the food, booze, and tobacco. 

  20. 4 Nurikabe form around the summoner, trapping them in an invisible cube.

  21. Call up a Daidarabotchi, and everything in a 5 mile radius is crushed under a giant larger than Mount Fuji. 

  22. A space-time rip causes you to summon an infant version of the intended target. It is crying and has recently soiled itself.

  23. A space-time rip causes you to summon a much older version of the intended target. In some cases this means the target is significantly more powerful, in others it means the target left their teeth at home and has recently soiled themselves.

  24. Target arrives inside out and somehow screaming

  25. You accidentally summon two people you kinda know from your hometown, they are in mid-coitus. 

  26. You are hideously combined with your summoned target.

  27. You accidentally summon two creatures who are hideously combined, this is how Owlbears were made. 

  28. You summon a very realistic plaster likeness of the intended target

  29. You summon one of two formerly conjoined twins.

  30. You summon yourself, binding yourself to the summoning circle

  31. You summon the thing that all Bags of Devouring are merely the feeding orifices for

  32. You summon several thousand books, all the doors nearby now lead to the Stygian Library

  33. You summon a small, nervous goblin who proceeds to hide under the nearest furniture, mumbling about a squirrel menace. 

  34. You summon a Seraph, all who are not EXCEEDINGLY pious to this particular Seraph’s god are incinerated by its presence. 

  35. .You summon a random Prince

  36. You summon 1d1000 Geese, who are now really pissed.

  37. .You summon the wisdom teeth of all creatures in a mile radius

  38. You summon a Quantum Duplicate from another timeline. They have an eye patch, a rad laser gun, and psychotic levels of paranoia.

  39. You call up an infant Fortle with a small tower on its back. It is the size of an adult african elephant. 

  40. You are pulled into a hole in space-time and end up inside of a Troll’s stomach

  41.  You summon a wasp nest which promptly falls to the ground and releases its 10,000 enraged inhabitants

  42. You open a hole to the bottom of the sea. Closes in 1d6! days. Hope you have scuba gear.

  43. You summon 25 familiars who start to fight over which gets to claim you.

  44. You summon the spiritual inverse of what you intended to summon.

  45. You call up a 1d20HD Xiucoatl, which immediately demands a human heart for each HD

  46. You Summon a Very Political Demon. [Link to Come]

  47. You summon a genie who will grant 3 wishes. Their understanding of your language is about on par with a hungarian using a very ineffective phrase book.

  48. You summon the 2cm tall Azazel, a begrudgingly helpful demon who grants wishes but is extremely literal and the wishes always turn HORRIBLY RIGHT. 

  49. You summon the DOG GOD, they speak to you in broken images and tongues that are not theirs. You are confused, angry, but oddly inspired by the DOG GOD. 

  50. You open a hole in deep space. 50% sucked into the void 50% room is flooded with phlogiston that explodes violently. 

  51. Summoning works, target appears 1d% miles in a random direction.

  52. You summon an Alter. The Alter works as a permanent summoning anchor which sacrifices can be made to call the specific entity. Any sacrifices made for the initial summon needs to be made again though.

  53. You accidentally attract the attention of an actual deity.

  54. Mithras shows up expecting his entire ritual and liturgy performed perfectly. Success gives the summoner 100 years of immortality, failure results in utter annihilation. 

  55. You open a channel to one of the FEARS, the region is subtly altered to fit the FEAR’s domain. The summoner is infected by the Fear.

  56. You ring into a Book Club hotline

  57. You summon a chair, it looks extremely comfortable. It is a mimic.

  58. You get a voicemail. 

  59. A gashapon machine appears and spits out a random ball containing one of 151 mutant animals. 

  60. The demon’s lawyer shows up and proceeds to berate you on how poor your contract and penmanship is. They kick over your candles and break your circle just to make a point before leaving.

  61. Several scores of small, blue skinned, red haired, very angry and VERY DRUNK 6 inch tall pictsies flood the room. Anything they can’t drink they steal, anything they can’t steal they fight via miniturature claymores and insane physical strength. They are SO angry.

  62. You call up an eyeless spectre made of intense hatred for spellcasters of all sorts. It vanishes, spending 1d6 weeks poisoning the minds of those around you towards hatred and paranoia before attempting to possess you.

  63. You summon a Russian Cosmonaut from the 1970’s. They float, their suit is full of radiation, and they speak terrible prophecies of the Moon.

  64. You summon a 5 man animatronic animal band. 25% chance of being really awesome, 25% chance of going berserk. 

  65. You summon Yojimbo, a samurai warrior of great power and great greed. Will serve you for exorbitant amounts of money.

  66. Accidently cause all dead things within a 5 mile radius to awaken, and they all know where you are. 

  67. Cause an atmospheric disturbance (1. Thunderstorm 2. Hail 3. Tornado 4. Heatwave)

  68. Cause a Weird atmospheric disturbance.

  69. ;)

  70. You summon a Microscopic creature into Macroscopic size. 1d4 1. Giant Ameba 2. Giant Virus 3. Giant Watebear 4. Giant Dust Mite

  71. You summon The Green Knight who challenges you to a duel. They are all but immortal. 

  72. You accidentally invoke one of the 72 names of the Creator and give life to everything in the immediate vicinity. 

  73. Open a rift to random Plane (1. Elemental Plane 2. Elemental Plate 3. Random Hell 4. Random Heaven 5. Astral 6. Plane of Snakes)

  74. You summon Mundo! This silky bastard knows everything about the North, but is a tricky asshole. He’ll ask difficult, bizarre or embarrassing favor as payment.

  75. You summon a random King

  76. You summon a random God

  77. You summon a random Reverse Monster

  78. You summon a DOG

  79. You summon a something random from the Goodberry Bestiary.

  80. You summon the Wizard Police, the summoning spell you used was copyrighted. Time to go to wizard jail. 

  81. You summon Dave, an immortal and completely useless failed wizard’s apprentice. He tries to do as you command, but he just mucks everything up. 

  82. You summon all the local cats. If you are in a place that cats couldn’t possibly be, one very confused black american shorthair shows up and expects treats.

  83. You summon an entire k-pop band, including props, fireworks, stage hands, and t-shirt cannons.

  84. You summon a bender of Maenads and Satyrs, they ask you to party and don’t take no for an answer. 

  85. Summoning appears to have failed, actually summon a False Hyda into the ground beneath you.

  86. You summon Mr. Tastee, a humble ice cream vendor. He offers you a Blue Tornado Bar, it tastes like all your best childhood memories.

  87. You summon a stuttering secretary who is highly paranoid of Snakemen. He’s in his pajamas and has lost his glasses. If you roll this, you are honor bound to let me know about it so I can include the interaction in my home game. 

  88. You summon Santa Claus. If you’ve been good, he’ll give you a present. If you’ve been naughty, he’ll thwack you over the head with his bag. If you’ve been REAL naughty, he’ll offer you a cigarette.

  89. Your summon works, but the target thinks you look ridiculous and can’t stop laughing the entire time. 

  90. You summon a Hyacinth macaw that only knows exceptionally rude phrases.

  91. . You summon a “doctor” who immediately wants to treat you. Their understanding of anatomy and medicine is Awful.

  92. Oh god, you summon a Gengrigar.

  93. You summon an entire firing squad, mid-firing, aimed at the summoner.

  94. You summon a random food cart

  95. The summoning functions as intended, but you audibly shit yourself.

  96. The summoning functions as intended, but you will be summoned by the target to return the favor in 1d6 days.

  97. You summon a terrible petty-god.

  98. You summon Tommy Rawbones.

  99. You summon a tiny car. 1d100 Clowns proceeded to exit from it. 

  100. You summon Death. He had a little party hat on and a cocktail wiener on a toothpick. He’s not particularly amused by the intrusion , but can answer one question truthfully. You may not like the answer.