Sunday, August 23, 2020

Another 100 Reasons to Adventure

Folks liked he first one, here's another!

I have a death wish the size of Jupiter!
I'm seeking the one!
I'm seeking The One!
I'm collecting headbands
I'm building up good Karma for my next incarnation!
I'm paying off the bad Karma from my previous incarnation!
I have to gather a hoard to turn myself into a dragon!
I have to gather a horde and retake my stolen throne!
My collection of (1. Swords 2. Spells 3. Coins 4. Bananas) were stolen by a (1. Hellknight 2. Mad Wizad 3. Master Thief 4. Crocodile King)
I need to bring back (1. Food 2. Water 3. Weapons 4. Money) to my (1. Parents 2. Village 3. Master 4. Dimension)
This is what I'd do for a Klondike bar.
I am two goblins in a trench coat and I've gotten too deep, there is no going back now!
I am a (1. Wolf 2. Horse 3. Tree 4. Politician) cursed into human form. 
My other bodies perished in the Grasslands and I seek to expand myself once again.
I was a skeleton but a botched resurrection covered me with flesh, now I have to do things like getting a job and eating! 
I have delayed my ascension to help others on their journeys. 
I have been sent here from beyond (1. Time/Space 2. The Grave) for an important mission. 
I'm collecting information on this world to report to (1. The Creator 2. The Space Council 3. Azathoth 4. Gary Gygax)
I was transplanted here from another system (1. Tunnel Goons 2. Esoteric Enterprises 3. SEACAT 4. 6th Edition) 
I'm paying off my student loans!
I want to share the song my people! (d o o t)
Its none of your damn business!
The Derro will find me if I don't keep moving!
The Derro instruct me to keep moving so I can find them!
I'm seeking the Stone Books to translate ancient Atlantean knowledge! 
I blew up the Tomb of the Serpent Kings and now Xiximanter has a vendetta!
I am seeking to usurp the power of Moloch!
I fell through a wardrobe! 
A wizard invited a bunch of dwarves to my house and now here I am!
My doppelganger is out there and I must slay them!
I'm a doppelganger and I must slay my counterpart!
I'm on the run from a bunch of tulpas!
I have this extremely embarrassing tattoo and I can't hold down any other jobs. 
I am getting paid so much!
I did it on a dare!
I did it on a dare to avoid Truth in Truth or Dare!
The regular hero is sick and I'm the replacement!
Had to get away from an ex. 
Someone one has to be the adult around here.
I was a wolf who was bitten by a human, now I'm a wereman and I need to find a cure!
Bigfeet ate my goats, gotta get revenge!
Smoked too much Christmas Cheer and now I'm here. 
I went off the grid and I'm getting paid under the table for wetwork. 
My beet farm went under and now I have to used my only other talent, bear wrestling. 
I was born in a dungeon and I only feel comfortable in dark dank places. 
I got very lost on my way to the bathroom! 
My (1. Dog 2. Sibling 3. Love 4. Nipples) vanished and I'm looking for them. 
Someone stole my skin!
A pterodactyl is chasing me (there's no pterodactyl) 
I want to be the very best! (Like no one ever was)
I'm stuck in a time loop caused by pirated cable and an explosion! 
I was conscripted into the Knights of Mars and now I must beat the daylights out of the non-believers!
This is all a dream and I'm sleepwalking!
I'm actively proving that fortune teller wrong!
I owe Goody Mooncup money!
All the cool kids are doing it!
I'm collecting bones for my etsy store! 
This is the last stage of my exposure therapy!
I'm an escaped psychopath. 
My bathtub came to life, walked me out here to the woods and dumped me out. 
I was told this was going to be a wholesome romp through Ghilbi-esque hills!
The Wizard Police are after me for Copyright Infringement!
I want to prove myself worthy of (1. My Power 2. My Heirloom 3. My Family Name 4. Myself)
I seek a way to release the spirit bound to my ring. 
I just broke free of a Charm and who are you people?
I was just unfrozen from cryostasis and the currency from my era is no longer accepted.
The ghost of my great grandmother won't leave me alone until I prove myself a hero. 
An annoying talking animal keeps telling me I need to fine the moon princess. 
I ate a unicorn and now I'm desperately trying to make up for it.
My parents were killed before my eyes and I seek eternal vengeance against evil doers.
A Circle of Druids abducted my dog. 
I keep reliving this timeline until I complete my quest...only I forget what the quest is...
I'm a gonzo journalist and things just got weird. 
I was marooned here by my rebellious airship crew after they found I was a fraud.
I went for a bushwee and my family left me behind. 
I'm on a twelve step program and "clear a dungeon" is step 4 I guess?
I have to help my pal master the four elements. 
I have no attention span and ooh look a goblin! 
I wished upon a star to become a real [Insert Species] and now I gotta pay rent. 
I am Skeleton Jelly!
My ex-boss kidnapped my boyfriend's mom! 
I just ran out of shit to do!
I went out into the woods to deliver a pie to grandma, killed a wolf, got to like violence. 
We defeated the monster attacking the village but it turned out capitalism was the real monster all along. 
I want to live the adventurous childhood I never had.
They told me fresh air would be good for me, pretty certain this cave air isn't fresh...
Step Aerobics just wasn't enough of an exercise for me any longer.   
I got kicked out of the band because my lyrics were too "philosophical."
I am looking for reasons to adventure for a big list I'm compiling. 
A sociopathic craving for violence that only a high-fantasy adventure of indiscriminately murdering beastmen free of accountability can sate.
My fiance-to-be is very demanding!
My spouse has developed some very strange cravings...
I'm escaping the consequences of a Las Faegas shotgun wedding!
I'm looking for the person who fits this glass shoe. 
I'm escaping an aristocrat with a thing for feet.
I have this glass shoe that doesn't fit me so I'm keeping it away from my humble but pretty stepsister!
They cut me out of a troll's stomach and now I have to find my way home!
I was in the latrine at a Ren Fair and when I came out I was here.
I'm just looking for a really good cup of coffee.
Roll twice, shake well, and come up with something yourself

Sunday, August 16, 2020

Things Found in a Troll's Stomach

My brain is dead so time to do a random list. Maybe you killed the Troll and you are searching through its insides. Maybe you punched its gut so hard it threw up. I don't know. Maybe consider rolling when the troll is first encountered and see how what it ate might affect the entire fight.

Any good wizard knows that one of the prime ingredients in making your own bag of holding is an intact troll stomach.

1. A Gastrolith the size of a watermelon.
2. Troll Bezoar, difficult to differentiate from the Gastrolith. Goat Bezoars can heal poison, Troll Bezoars are made of the shit that even Trolls can't digest all rolled  together into a thick horrific mass. 10% chance it cures anything, 90% of giving you Super Tetanus, Mummy Rot, and 1 other random disease.
3. A fresh adventurer mashed into a pulp. Roll on a random NPC charge with all of their equipment.
4. A Baby Troll. Trolls reproduce by eating enough meat in one sitting and eating a large portion of itself. Surviving, the meats combine and make a new unique troll. It gets a surprise attack on your face.
5. 10d6 Teeth, 60-Teeth gold coins, and a pair of very large butterfly wings.
6. 60 Gallons of a non-acidic liquid from the d100 Bottled Goods list. It got into a Distillery and/or Alchemist's lab.
7. A signet ring, a water tight case with scrolls regarding an armistice between two warring countries, and four horseshoes.
9. A really really annoying/annoyed Demilich.
10. A small sphere of annihilation, no wonder the troll was so emaciated.
11. A License Plate from a 1971 Ford Pinto.
12. A partridge and a bunch of pears, 2 turtle doves, 3 french hens 4 calling birds, 5 gold rings 6 geese a-laying, 7 swans a-swimming, 8 maids a-milking, 9 ladies dancing, 10 lords a-leaping, 11 pipers piping, and 12 drummers drumming
13. A magically powered personal "massager" that is stuck in on.
14. 1d6 Taxidermy Deer Butts
15. A Sentient Disease that was piloting the troll towards as reservoir.
16. 6 Goblins piloting a very convincing paper machete troll.
18. Highly Corroded Antikythera Mechanism
19. Its Parent
20. An Ochre Jelly
21. Mijster Willem, travelling bard from the lands of pine and moss, with a penchant for misfortune
22. An entire coffin, perfectly sized to one of the PCs. 
23. 1d20! Skeletons Jellies
24. A collection of liquid books in mason jars and a very small door to the Stygian Library. 
25. A small man with a funny hat puppeteering it via sticks and levers.
26. 1d12 tied off balloons full of random wizard drugs.
27. Seven League Sandals, as Seven League Boots but Dex save or trip and become a Seven League Skidmark.
28. 1d100 Spiders/Scorpians/Solifugae
29. Maggie, an acid resistant but slightly torn pink teddy bear that allows their new owner to resist any affect that would interfere with natural sleep/rest.
31. 1d10 Miles of Intestine. A trained Augur could, given time, predict general fortunes of the region for a number of years equal to the length of the intestines in miles.
32. Four and twenty live blackbirds
33. A Giant Fluke, stats as a boa constrictor. 
34. A very grateful and very moist Prince.
35. A Decanter of Endless Chicken Soup and a pulped copy of Chicken Soup for the Troll's Soul
36. 1d10 HD (or 1d10 1HD) Gloops!
37. 1d10 More Nested Stomachs, roll again for each
38. A tin of curiously strong mints.
39. A lot of beard hair, fourteen skulls, a map to a mountain and a key.
40. A really really confused summoner
41. A 40' tall saguaro cactus that explodes into full size when released.
42. A hole that leads to another troll's and stomach.
43. All of the lost Left Socks.
44. 1d100 Hagfish and a proportional amount of slime.
45. The entire contents of a small peasant cottage, still in surprisingly good shape.
46. A wolf whose own stomach is a dungeon, within which is a ghoul whose stomach is a dungeon.
47. Nothing at all, the entirely of the Troll is empty.
48. An upset man with crosses tattooed over his eyes, immediately attacks any magic users.
50. A priceless work of art, now....well priced less.
51. That package you swore you sent and never arrived.
52. A soggy mass of vegetation. If left alone it will grow into a vegan Moss Troll.
54. A magic arrow that unlocks one's hidden power when struck with it. Or maybe it just kills you. 
55. A rubberband ball, 1d6! inches in circumfrance
56. The Greyhawk Philharmonic Orchestra, they expect someone to pay them. 
57. An extremely ugly piggy bank, gets bigger as you feed it money. Turns into a 10 HD vicious golden boar when fed 100GP total.
58. A Shoggoth 
59. A meat cleaver, a wooden leg, an eye patch, and a name badge "Greasetrap The Pirate"
60. Buer, its always goddamn Buer isn't it?
61. A Golem made of Liquid Mercury, thanks you then flees back to guard a lost tomb somewhere. 
62. The Keys to a Golden Barge
63. A Scrying Orb that is currently watching the party and a conical hat with embroidered stars.
64. A Heinous Idol
65. An ungrateful rabid badger.
66. Stomach explodes as a max power fireball when pierced.
67. A cloud of Cordyceps spores
68. 1d100 Zines
69. Exactly what you'd think would occupy the 69th slot in this list.
70. A Cookbook, a cauldron, 1d6 random ingredients, and a one eyed hunch backed witch
71. A Troll Pearl- Like an oyster pearl, something indigestible gets stuck and overtime is covered in something not unlike Nacre. Eventually it is excreted in one fashion or another, but this one is massive and is worth a small dragon's hoard.
72.  Troll Beer- Under very rare circumstances a troll's stomach will ferment its last meal into a highly potent alcohol capable of frying a dwarf's beard right from their face. Troll Beer gives its drinker a Troll's regenerative qualities as long as the drinker remains drunk. It also deals 1d6 permanent Con damage from the sheer taxing power it has on one's liver.
73. Oil- This extremely old troll's digestive tract has been compressing its meals for longer than mankind has been around, 1d10 barrels of crude oil pours from his million year bowels.
74. An Unbound Familiar
75. 1d1000 small magnetic balls
76. A fully outfitted and fully dead doppelganger version of the party.
77. Troll Ambergris- A green-grey greasy substance that is absolutely essential in crafting arcane perfumes. These allow Potions to be turned into an aerosol and affect via smell rather than drinking them. Also apparently goes excellent with scrambled eggs. Beloved by Wizards and especially decadent gourmands.
78. Gnorbert- A gnome in an acid and bludgeoning proof suit of his own design. Is really frustrated that the party let him out before the suit could be fully tested.
79. A tiny submarine with a staff of tiny scientists.
80. The lost 11th-20th Commandments.
81. A perfectly oven fresh loaf of bread
82. A dead infomercial host along with their product. Slapchop, Oxyclean, Red Copper Pan all come to mind.
83. A Brick of Fluorine that immediately sublimates and reacts. Google up how awful Fluorine is.
84. A combination lock inside of a dirty sock. Deals 1d4 Bludgeoning damage. 
85. The Last Dodo
86. The First Dodo
87. A meteorite- Contains enough adamantine for a single sword of destiny. 
88. The first thing that pops up when you hit Random Article on Wikipedia.
89. An entire bog worth of cranberries.
90. Everything from a Giant's Sack list.
91. Panic Attack Jack- Springs out screaming, save or be driven temporarily insane. Panic Attack Jack flees into the woods.
92. Ancient Scroll of Mystical Martial Arts Techniques 
93. A gold fortune cookie but when you open it is just says "gross"
94. Choose a book off of your shelf without looking. That.
95. A complete dinner set of fancy silverware. 
96. The killing blow causes it to burst out fluff and blood, like some hideous inhabitant of the Hundred Acres Woods.
97. Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf, he's brandishing a knife.
98. The Legendary Axe of Dwarfish Lords, Dwarf King Skeleton still attached. 
99, A Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. 
100. Page 57 from the whole earth catalogs last issue, printed 1970.

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Carnival Mini Games for my Eldritch Americana Campaign

My group of Eldritch Americana waste-wanderers are having a low stakes filler episode at the carnival. Here are some mini games we did while there. Most of the games are rigged. Encourage players to sneakily screw over the carnies at the midway. It is 1908, the Moon is shattered, the Elder Gods have returned and Centaur President Teddy Roosevelt is on his way out. Time to have fun.

High Striker

Good old hit the lever with the hammer and ring the bell. A straight up and down strength contest...well 1-in-10 times. The other 9-in-10 times its rigged and there is no way in hell you could win. Prize is bragging rights and a jumbo sized stuffed teddy bear.

Coconut Shy
Stack of 6 coconuts knock them down for a prize. Touted as a test of manual dexterity and skill.

Dex test will always result in 1 staying up, Strength test to knock them all down (glued together).

Small Prize- A coconut

Big prize- Chalkware figurine , 1-in-6 chance of being cursed, 1-in-6 chance of being worth a small fortune to a collector.

Ring Toss
Toss rings to get prizes. Attack roll against Chain for random prize, Attack roll against Plate + Shield for a specific prize. This can work with a Balloon Pop game too.

Red- Chinese Finger trap, may require a Wisdom or Strength check to escape.
Orange - Goldfish
Yellow- Beaglepuss glasses, may work as a disguise against particularly dense NPCs.
Green- Living Balloon animal (acts as animal it is modeled after, 1 hp, no defense)
Blue- Tickets for Ferris wheel
Indigo- Big Swirly Lollipop
Violet- Scented Paper Flower
Octarine- Can only be seen by those with Wizard Vision or getting a critical success, win a random Minor Magic Item

Whack a Mole

A Mole-Man in a white jump suit pops up from one of 5 holes around you. Roll under initiative to hit them with a paint soaked foam-bat. The Mole-Man also has a paint-bat and will hit you back if you miss. Least painted after 5 rounds wins. Prize is a folding hand fan painted by the Mole-Man.

Bobbing for Heads 

A carnie with a can stands before a tin tub full of water. "Bobbing for heads," he hawks, "That's right bobbing for heads, fun for the whole family!" When approached, he unsheathes his cane sword and cleanly slices off the heads of the interested party members. He rolls the still living heads into the water where they must shout commands to their headless bodies to pick their head back up and attach it back to their body. Remember left-to-right reversal also potential shenanigans for putting the wrong head on the wrong body.

Tunnel of Love

Yeah we had a romantic scene with magic lights and a first kiss between a man and a gooseman. DON'T JUDGE ME BRO IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

Ferris Wheel

Nice big Ferris Wheel, see your house from the top. 1-in-6 chance it gets stuck with folks at the top. 1-in-6 chance it spins wildly out of control.

Wooden Roller Coaster

Roll constitution to avoid vomiting, immune to similar effects after saving.

Ghost Train
Ride in a mine cart through a “haunted tunnel” while a variety of horrors cause Fear effect, save or react appropriately. Saving against Fear effect here renders you immune to Fear on your next appropriate encounter. I'm personally excited for the potential here because the Fear effects reactions from my party here range from Run Away to Freeze Up to GOOSE ATTACK MODE.

GLOOP! Eating Contest-

Contestants have their hands tied behind their backs and sit in front of a large trough. Gloop! of a variety of flavors is released into the trough. The Gloop wants to be eaten and makes happy cooing noises as they shove and ooze their way to the contestants' mouths. Roll Con each round to keep down the Gloop,  may have other effects depending on the type of Gloop eaten. Last one standing wins. NPC contestants have 8, 10, 12, and 14 Con. Any vomited Gloops will coo sadly then try to have someone else eat them. Winner gets a 2 HD Gloop pet.