Sunday, July 7, 2019

d100 Tantalizing Tomes, Bewitching Books, and Glorious Grimoires


Roll
Author/Genre
1
Goody Mooncup
2
Dak the Dim
3
Professor Grozug G. Goblin
4
Avaline Romances
5
Cookbooks
6
True Crime
7
Survival
8
Medical Pamphlets
9
Magic Texts
10
Misc

Roll
Goody Mooncup- Self Help Guides of a Witchy Nature
1
How Necromancy Saved My Marriage
2
Owls, Howls, and Bowels: Distressing Sounds and How to Cure Them.
3
Joy of Potioncraft
4
Witch Hazel and You: 101 Uses You've Heard, 24 You Haven't
5
Masters of Hex
6
7 Habits of Highly Effective Poisoners
7
How to Win Fiends and Influence Fishpeople
8
What To Say When You Talk To Your Doppleganger
9
Applied Abraxian Numerology for Dummies
10
Art of the Squeal

Roll
Dak the Dim- Simple Picture books for simple adventurers.
1
SMASH AN’ CRUSH 
2
AN AX FOR ALL OCCASIONS
3
SQUISH: SMALL THINGS AN’ YOU
4
WHAT TO DO WHEN TRIP
5
DAK’S RECIPES FOR PAIN
6
BASHING BOOMY BASTARDS
7
BARBARIC YALPS: A GUIDE TO CHARM
8
HOW TO FITE GUD
9
LOINCLOTHS: THE MANLIEST GARMENT
10
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH

Roll
Prof. Grozug Goblin- Textbooks for the aspiring Minion 
1
Fire: Fun or Frightening?
2
Five Fine Ways to Grovel
3
Finding Employment After the Dark Lord
4
Lessons from Lemmings
5
Please Don’t Hit Me; and Other Things to Say to Your Master
6
The Many Uses of Pits
7
Shifting Blame: The Path to Promotion
8
Effective Whimpering Techniques
9
How to Sleep While Standing
10
Learning from your Many Many Failures

Roll
Avaline- Saucy Elven Romance Novels 
1
The Last Real Barbarian
2
The Forbidden Potion
3
Fifty Shades of Green
4
The Scarlet Robes
5
A Whisper in the Twilight
6
The Halfling’s Hidden Secret
7
The Hands of a Sorcerer
8
A Century of Seduction
9
The Immovable Rod
10
Ladies of the Lake


Roll
Cookbooks
1
Dungeons Dives: Top 10 Underground Eats
2
Fear and Loathing in Flavortown 
3
Game or Fowl? Cooking with Owlbear 
4
Trash to Treasure- An Otyugh Cookbook
5
Moonshine and Toilet Wine, The Adventurers' Guide to Getting Shitfaced
6
Creepy Crawling Calzones
7
Sahuagin Sushi And Other Sentient Sensations
8
Hardly Hardtack, Eating Well on Two Coppers
9
50 Ways to Prepare Gruel
10
A Magic Mouthful: The Companion Cookbook to the Avaline Romances

Roll
True Crime
1
Shanked in the Street: Gang Violence in YOUR Town
2
In Green Blood
3
Fairy Fury
4
A Sword in the Dark: When Paladins Snap
5
Gorgons Gone Wild
6
Fractured Future: A Seer’s Curse
7
Golddigger
8
Witch Slapped
9
Inner Demons: When Possession Goes Too Far
10
Frantic Familiars: 10 Tales of Betrayal

Roll
Survival
1
Don’t Drink Your Piss: Survival Tips That Maintain Your Dignity
2
Oh Shit! 10 Ways to Avoid Springing that Trap
3
Skeletons, Mummies, and Dead Folks Who Won’t Stay Dead
4
Leave It or Loot It? 
5
To Save or Not to Save? Dealing with Distressed Damsels
6
I Should Have Packed That: 35 Essential Items For Every Adventurer
7
A Dungeoneer’s Guide to Fungi
8
The Big Book of Beasts
9
IT’S A TRAP! A Guide to Trip Wires, Loose Flagstones, and Levers
10
The Adventurer’s Best Friend 

Roll
Entirely Unmedical Pamphlets by The Kind Dr. Nicolas Zane D.Ed.
1
What’s that Rash?
2
Why am I Itchy?
3
Where did My Foot Go?
4
Should I Eat This?
5
Why is My Vomit Purple?
6
Why Bees?
7
Why is My Skin Coming Off?
8
Why am I on Fire?
9
Why am I a Frog?
10
What Should I Do With These Bodies?

Roll
Magic Texts
1
The Arse Goetia: Demon Summoning for Assholes
2
Understanding Your Patron by Sotiria Dimopoulos
3
Bottling Up Your Emotions by Al K. Amist
4
Fashionable Phylacteries for the Discerning Lich
5
Thaumaturgical Aphorisms by Prilaxiom U. C. Vallance
6
Rubbings from the Thrice Damned Temple
7
The Virgin’s Guide to Tantric Rituals
8
Ten Magical Tunes for the Hurdy Gurdy
9
FIREBALL! 
10
The Book of Gaub

Roll
Misc
1
Religious Pamphlet: Whores and Other Demons of the Tavern
2
Religious Pamphlet: Evil Spirits: The Dangers of Ale
3
Religious Pamphlet: Unfission: The Me in the You
4
The Goats Who Stare For Men by R.B. Litte
5
The Charcoal Burner’s Daughter
6
The Violet Lady: 20 Tales of Terror
7
A Wayfarer’s Guide to Carousing
8
Memoirs of a Goliard 
9
Growing Up Goblin: A Memoir
10
[INCOMPREHENSIBLE GIBBERISH]



Friday, July 5, 2019

Volume I of The Book of Gaub

FLY-SIGHT
Professor MacArthur's lecture was the talk of the town, it was rare that we had such a celebrated archaeologist visit our quaint country. I had secured a front row ticket through an old fraternity contact who assured me that I would not be dismayed, for he knew well of my amateur delights in the old and unusual. The Professor, a practical looking man in tweed, began his lecture with a quote from The Descent of Inanna, "A fly spoke to holy Inana: 'If I show you where Dumuzi is, what will be my reward?' Inanna said, ' If you tell me, I will let you frequent the beer-houses and taverns, I will let you dwell among the talk of the wise ones, I will let you dwell among the songs of the minstrels.' " 

He blinked then, and I knew that the Fly dwelt among the wise. 


EFFECT
Your pupils become a pair of black flies. These flies can crawl from your ears and enter the head of a target. Sleeping targets have no save. The target's own pupils are replaced by the flies and you are able to see everything the target sees for as long as the flies remain. During this period you are otherwise blind.  The target is only indirectly aware of the invasion via itchy eyes and a persistent buzzing in their ears. 



Panchymagogue
When Old Widow Krutel wasn't at mass on Sunday, Deacon MacGregor was sent to see her. We all knew the Deacon had courted Miss Krutel in their younger days, back when she was just Flora and he was just Charlie. It was never to be, she was so sanguine and he so melancholic. When neither Old Widow Krutel nor Deacon MacGregor showed for Mass the following Sunday, the police were sent for. The evening edition reported that though the home was in great disarray and their bodies shrived near beyond recognition, never have they seen two happier corpses.





EFFECT
Forcibly purges all excess humours from the target's body. Save or violently purge blood, phlegm, and bile from every orifice, severely dehydrating the victim. The more potent the target's normal emotional state is the more severe the dehydration. This turns the surrounding area into a slick morass of bodily fluids. Surviving this leaves the target's humours in a perfectly balanced state, eliciting a state of euphoria.




Night Flight

 Father Tom,  Father Tom,
From whence did you come?
Over lagoon and over the moon,
that is where I am from.

Father Tom, Father Tom,
Wither shall you go?
Past the steeple, far from people,
where the skies are all aglow.

Father Tom, Father Tom,
How shall you travel?
From my chair with a rope of hair,
tied tight so it shan’t unravel. 







EFFECT
Toss a rope of hair into the ether and tether it to a creature from beyond the veil. You are pulled into the sky and may travel at up to five times overland travel speeds. However every hour spent in travel there is a cumulative 1-in-6 chance of the creature shaking loose its bonds, either dropping you to the ground far below or catching you and carrying to its own destination.


Pamphagous
I reserved the table six months ago, the maître d′ told me I was very lucky for Lord Gray had just cancelled that very hour. Champs de Saturn caused quite a stir when it opened, "a ceaseless feast" one paper called it, "a bacchanal to put the Greeks to shame" said another. It was a fine change from all the missing persons cases that the papers sensationalize. Its Corinthian columns and wide rotunda bought to mind the Pantheon of Rome, its motif of grapes and wheat titliated my appetite. Our waiter recommended the Blanquette de veau, though I opted for the Cochon de lait as white meat suited my digestion better. I must say that I made rather a pig of myself that evening. Thirteen courses and I still was famished. A drop of sauce had landed upon the tablecloth and only my waiter's quick hand stopped me from entirely forgetting my manners. 

It is most unfortunate that it closed only a few days later, for I am still hungry. 

EFFECT

The target must save or be made ravenously hungry and will eat anything that is within reach. The target will seek nominally food-like items first, be they rations or a dead rat, then move onto progressively less food-like items, such as living animals, leather gloves, coins, dirt, and themselves. No amount will sate the hunger and the target will gain no benefit from what is consumed, though they are still affected by any dangers. Targets that die while under these effects rise as a Ghoul.


Scripturient
Gerald Peabody had rented the cabin for several summers, always paid on time and always kept the place clean. He said he was an author but I've never seen his name in print, I always suspected he wrote under a pen name for he was very private. Last September, when he was due to leave so I could winter-proof the property, I phoned to let him know I was coming. He calmly, but persistently, explained that he must have privacy until he was finished. I could hear the scratching of his pen and assumed he must have been in the throes of creation. He was a good tenant, so I was willing to give him an extra day. I phoned the next day and received no answer, I assumed he must have packed up and left. 

The official cause of death was listed as hypovolemic shock, I suppose he ran out of ink.

EFFECT
The target is seized with an violent urge to write. They may write their thoughts or their history or the same random repeating phrase, but they must continuously write. They will use any available writing implement and any writing fluid as long as what is written is at least semi-permanent, i.e. chalk or a stick in dirt won't cut it but blood will.


Helminthiasis
Ever since his illness began, Mr. Gusano had trouble with new technology. User error was what they always told him, techie speak for being an ignorant old man. People who treated him like that just made his insides squirm. He knew he was doing everything right, but no matter what things would just go wrong. The advert in the paper said "Robak's Repairs" and the cold, earthy voice on the other end of the line assured him that all his problems would soon be taken care of. A tall pallid man came the next day, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses and his head as bald as a cue ball. The very sight of him made Mr. Gusano's skin crawl. He inquired of the man, "Please, tell me, what is wrong?"




"Why, Mr. Gusano," said Robak, "It is very simple. You have Worms."


EFFECT
The target must save or be plagued with highly infectious parasitic worms. Not only does the half the target's physical stats, but it also causes issues in handling anything more complex than a stick. The worms infect inanimate objects and slowly break them down useless rust and excretions over the course of several weeks. In the mean time the objects have a 2-in-6 chance of malfunctioning (or increases the critical fail range by 2). This increases by 1 each week until at 6-in-6 the object disintegrates.

Fumificate
Ms. Mallory worked the furnaces of the county morgue, a task both thankless and repetitive. For while a funeral home's furnace burnt the bodies of those loved and mourned, Ms. Mallory's "clients" were mostly named John or Jane or had met their end in an electrified chair. Ms. Malloy didn't mind this, it gave her time to think. Ms. Mallory liked knowing things. Not many people know that the cremation furnace is actually called a Retort. Ms. Mallory knows this. Not many know that retorts were originally made by alchemists for distilling. Ms. Mallory knows this. Not many know that the soul weighs 21 grams. Ms. Mallory knows this. She would day dream about lives that were not hers and places she'd never been. She'd think of new recipes or remember books she didn't remember reading. She always thought that, close up, the bodies smelt like pork roast, burnt popcorn, and a hint of musk when they burned. She liked the smell, it helped her think. She always felt like she had the best ideas after a good deep breath near the retort. 

When they installed the new retort with its second burner to burn the smoke into "environmentally safe byproducts," it wasn't the same. Now it smelled like a hospital and Ms. Mallory didn't dream any longer. 


Effect
A dead creature is immolated upon a prepared pyre leaving no physical remains. The smoke of the fire retains the knowledge, personality, soul, and approximate shape of the dead creature. The smoke is conscious, however it is incapable of movement on its own accord. Parting any of the smoke from the mass causes immense pain and a strong breeze will fully disperse the smoke, but it will retain consciousness and be in intense agony. Breathing in the smoke destroy the creature entirely and impart upon the breather a random memory or piece of knowledge previously held by the dead creature



Fractal Flensing
I am a whaleman. I spent all my youth on a whaling ship and have seen all there is to see. I've seen men triumph over the sea through the efforts of their blood and sweat. I've seen men kill one another over a lump of whale vomit. I've been covered head to boot in gurry and I've heard the cry "Five and Forty More!" more times than I be bothered to remember. It was '56 when I sailed my last. The Skipper was Captain James Dover, his boat the HMS Bethlaham, a retired Cruizer from the days of Napoleon. We were four fish in, but they were all scrags, not the prized Sperm Whale we sought. That is until we came across the lone bull. Massive beast he was, his scars spoke to his many years. "There go flukes!" The mate called and we moved to our boats, ready to make our take. I was Bethlaham's cooper, so while the boats were out I kept the ship. The boys lowered in with their irons at the ready, knowing that this whale would be their ticket home. I could see as they descended on the beast, I could hear as the first screams were loosened. It was too early for the beast to be in its flurry, the harpooners had only just made fast to it. But out there, men were screaming, men were dying. I could see as the mate hamstringed the flukes before falling into the sea in thrashing, drowning agony. Captain Dover struck with his hand-lance deep and hit the beast's life, the steaming arterial spray misting the scene in red. In the beast's dying flurry, it stove all but one boat, the crew were scattered to the see. The lone surviving boat, with but a handful of mutilated men, were barely in condition to get us back to shore. 

I visit with the Captain when I can, but Bedlam is no place for a well man. 


EFFECT
Any damage the target takes is mirrored upon all aggressors. The target still takes the damage, but that damage is then averaged out between all nearby creatures who are hostile to it. Any debilitating attacks are mirrored on the individual who made the attack. Whomever strikes the fatal blow must Save (vs. Death or whatever is applicable) or die as though they had taken the same blow. Making the save still leaves the attacker horribly scarred.



Fistula


Marissa and Terra Jumeaux joined the show when they were six. Mr. Norman paid ten shillings for them and displayed them in Nottingham. Conjoined at the stomach, they were shown at first as a grotesque but learned over the years means of entertainment beyond the display of their bodies. They would sit on customized benches and play two pianos, they would juggle, and they would dance. They matured and blossomed, and their show attracted other sorts of attention. When one day they were found to be pregnant, the city was ablaze with interest. Who was the father? Which one of them was actually pregnant? How would the child be born? To these questions, Marissa and Terra kept mum. The weeks progressed into months, the twins' shared stomach distending and driving them apart. It became increasingly difficult for them to display their talents, and they once again became a grotesque for others to gawk at. The day they didn't emerge from their room, we knew that something must have happened. Mr. Merrick said he heard a muffled cry in the night, we thought perhaps they had miraculously given birth. After much knocking and commotion to no response, Mr. Norman, the only man with keys, unlocked their door. Marissa and Terra lay side by side upon their shared bed, separate, empty and not a child in sight. 


Effect
Two target creatures of approximately same type are selected and marked. They may Save vs. the mark if unwilling. The caster may cause an organic hole to open on the stomachs of the targets and then travel between the targets via that hole. Travel in this manner causes debilitating pain in the targets, though no lasting damage, and whatever travels though the targets is coated in effluvia. 


Orgiophant
Have you ever seen snakes mate? When the snow melts and Spring has blossomed once again, the snakes come out from hibernation. They awake from their holes in the earth and slither out into the world, seeking to spawn the next generation of serpents. The males detect the females by smell, a perfume that incites them into orgy pits of reptilian ecstasy. This is all I could think of as I watched the swirling yellow draped arms preforming the Thousand Arm Dance. Deaf Chinese dancers swirling their arms to invoke the Buddha of Compassion. Deaf reptiles writhing in the throes of their compassion. Hands darting in and out, grabbing with long sharp nails. Heads flailing to and fro, fangs bared and ready. I wonder what it would be like to be the thousand armed Buddha. I wonder at the feel of a thousand arms pressing upon you, competing for space. How it feels to be that sole female snake at the center of the ball of lusting males. How it feels to be awash in movement and yet barely able to move, to be surrounded and subsumed and part and separate all at once...
Effect
Target creature must save or have one of their extremities multiply themselves every hour following the Fibonacci sequence. These limbs are not under the creatures control and instinctively try to do what they were designed for to the best of their abilities. Arms with flail and attempt to grab things, legs will kick, heads will gabble nonsensically and bite, etc. Unless the limbs are constantly removed, the target creature will eventually be crushed under the weight of the increasing mass. 

Monday, June 10, 2019

Making Amends with Buer

NEVER! DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT MICAH SAYS, BUER IS THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF SUFFERING THAT WE MUST ALL ESCAPE FROM! DO NOT GIVE INTO HIS CIRCULAR LOGIC OR HIS ROUNDED TEMPTATIONS! 



RESIST THE WHEEL!



Saturday, June 8, 2019

d100 Bottled Things

I HAVE A MIGHTY THIRST

THE GREAT HEIDELBERG TUN


What's it in:
  1. Vial
  2. Mason jar
  3. Amphora
  4. Bocksbeutel
  5. Canteen
  6. Bota bag
  7. Demijohn
  8. Calabash
  9. Flacon
  10. Gasogene
  11. Bologna bottle
  12. Growler
  13. Hip Flask
  14. Jerrycan
  15. Klein bottle
  16. Lacrymatory
  17. Fiasco
  18. Porron
  19. Witch bottle
  20. Glass Onion

Don't de-kleine one of these bottles! (I derserve whatever I get)


How Much is there (Only roll this if you are prepared to deal with some shenanigans, anything above a Midas is probably in a Barrel, but maybe a giant left her huge freaking canteen lying around):
  1. Piccolo- 1 approx. 6 ounce dose, equal to about a glass of wine. 
  2. Demi- 2 doses
  3. Jennie- 3 doses
  4. Standard- 4 doses
  5. Litre- 5 doses
  6. Magnum- 8 Doses
  7. Jeroboam- 16 Doses
  8. Rehoboam- 25 Doses
  9. McKenzie- 28 Doses
  10. Methuselah- 33 Doses
  11. Salmanazar- 50 Doses
  12. Balthazar-  68 Doses
  13. Nebuchadnezzar- 85 Doses
  14. Melchior/Solomon- 101 Doses
  15. Primat/Goliath- 152 Doses
  16. Melchizedek/Midas- 169 Doses
  17. Rundlet- 384 Doses
  18. Barrel-672 Doses
  19. Tierce- 896
  20. BIG BARREL
    1. Hogshead- 1344 Doses
    2. Puncheon/Tertian- 1792 Doses 
    3. Pipe/Butt- 2688 Doses
    4. TUN- 5376 Doses
OH MY GOD ITS DIP

 What's Within:
  1. Water- 50% chance fresh, 50% salt
  2. Subtle Fluid
    1.  Heat- Concentrated heat. A vial can boil a gallon of water. A vat could boil a reasonably sized lake. 
    2. Electricity- essentially a Leyden Jar, boil it to hear messages from other worlds.
    3. Phlogiston- Combustion made manifest, pretty much highest quality rocket fuel
    4. Light- A phial is essentially a candle, a Tun a high intensity spotlight. Opening it will let all the light escape instantly in a blinding flash. Makes a great anti-vampire grenade. 
  3. Nothing
  4. NOTHING AND IT IS SPREADING
  5. A playing card, the one you pulled from the magician's deck when you were a child.
  6. Teeth
    1. Human
    2. Animal
    3. Monster
    4. A single massive fang
  7. A ship, complete with crew
  8. A miniaturized arboretum
  9. Ant Farm 
    1. Sugar
    2. Harvester
    3. Honeypot
    4. Fire
    5. Army
    6. Bullet
  10. Preserved Organ
    1. Animal
    2. Human
    3. Monster
    4. Alien/Devil/Angel/OTHER
  11. Wine
    1. Vinegar
    2. Cheap
    3. Middling
    4. High
    5. Rare Vintage
    6. Black Pear Wine
  12. Oil
    1. Cooking (Olive, Sesame, or some such)
    2. Fish
    3. Whale
    4. Kerosene
    5. Petroleum
    6. Sebum
  13. Blood
    1. Human
    2. Animal
    3. Monster
    4. Alien/Devil/Angel/OTHER
  14. Beans
    1. Normal
    2. Extra Musical
    3. Jumping
    4. Magic
  15. Message- 50% chance of being water damaged beyond use
    1. Stranded on an island, send help
    2. Stranded on an island, do not send help
    3. Really Terrible Poetry
    4. Good Poetry
    5. Treasure Map
    6. Spell Scroll
  16. Ooze
    1. Black Pudding
    2. Mustard Jelly
    3. Gray Ooze
    4. Ocher Jelly
    5. Gelatinous "cube"
    6. Green Slime
  17. Pure Element: Roll on the Periodic Table d100, ignore Mendelevium and above because that's just silly. 
  18. Colorful Carbonated Sugar Beverage 
    1. Outstanding Orange
    2. Rousing Red
    3. Playful Pink
    4. Bodacious Blue
    5. Yummy Yellow
    6. ██████████████
  19. Spices
    1. Long Pepper
    2. Grains of Paradise
    3. Ginger
    4. Cinnamon
    5. Cardamom
    6. Saffron
  20. Salt, 50% of being Blessed
  21. Pickled...
    1. Gherkins
    2. Cabbage
    3. Eggs
    4. Pig's Feet
    5. Jellied Eels
    6. Hand (sized appropriately for the container)
  22. Seeds
    1. Wild Flower
    2. Roasted Sunflower
    3. Random Fruit
    4. Random Vegetable 
    5. Mandrake, or other mythic herb
    6. Single Dryad seed
  23. Smell
    1. Feet
    2. Cheese
    3. Animal Musk
    4. Cheap Cologne
    5. Incense 
    6. Exotic Perfume
  24. Potion
  25. Insubstantial Potion Ingredient
    1. Sound of Cat's Footstep
    2. Breath of a Fish
    3. Cunning of a Bear
    4. Moonlight
    5. Innocence of a Child
    6. An Eternal Moment
  26. Liquid Privative
    1. Ignorance- Takes up the space that knowledge normally sits. Could, for example, permanently fill a Skill slot. 
    2. Darkness- Faster than light because it is already there. Deeper black than vantablack, the absolute absence of light.
    3. Debt- Plops out in thick purple chunks, annihilates an equal mass of gold when touched. Drinking causes the imbiber's wealth to decrease an equal amount, first turning currency to dust then rotting away personal possessions, real estate, and other forms of wealth.
    4. Sobriety- Looks like the most intense coffee ever. Cancels out an equal amount of alcohol. Drinking while already sober will make you Knurd.
    5. Cold- Not just cold or the absence of heat. If Planck Temperature is 1 and Absolute 0 is 0, this is -1. 
    6. Death- Looks like a bunch of torn black rags in black ink. Anything fully submersed in it is made so utterly dead that there is no coming back from it. Stick a finger in it and not only do you lose the use of that finger, but all incarnations of you through the centuries will lose it. 
  27. Ink
    1. Henna
    2. Iron Gall Ink
    3. India Ink
    4. Invisible Ink
    5. Bottled Book
    6. Kraken Ink
  28. Swarm of Insects
    1. BEES
    2. LOCUSTS
    3. TERMITES
    4. ROACHES
    5. HORNETS
    6. SPIDERS- 50% chance of being just one really big angry spider
  29. Poison- Roll on your favorite random poison list because I can't be bothered to find a link for one.
  30. Disease
  31. A Smaller Bottle, roll again. Potential for infinite matryoshka effect. 
  32. Marbles
  33. Powdered Water
  34. Honey
    1. Honey- Sweet
    2. Royal Jelly- Sweet, feel like Royalty
    3. Mirror Honey- Colorless, mix with bourbon and lemon to make Ambrosia. 
    4. Crimson Honey- Powerful painkiller, intensely addictive
    5. Prisoner's Honey- Transports you to a dreamland beyond mirrors. 
    6. Empress Jelly- Turns you into a Bee Person. 
  35. Beverage
  36. Fish
    1. Salted and Preserved
    2. Rotten and Stinking
    3. Fermented into a sauce
    4. Bottled Aquarium, alive. 
  37. Flying Ointment- Apply to object or similar to travel per Wyrd Transport for 1 hour. A single dose can affect a broom, a house will require enough to paint it (1 gallon to 350 square feet or ~4 liters to ~33 square meters). Apply to self to have an awesome hallucinogenic trip about flying for 1 hour.
  38. Ferrofluid
  39. Dirt
  40. Dirt!
  41. Paint- 1d8, ROYGBIV+Octarine 
  42. Friendly Gloop
  43. Red Goop
  44. Living Idea- Invisible and intangible, yet somehow still noticeably there. Consummation implants idea into your head 
    1. A political philosophy
    2. A funny joke
    3. A recipe
    4. A thought consuming meme/earworm
    5. Plans for an ancient superweapon
    6. A cringe worthy sensation (like toothpicks under fingernails or chewing aluminum foil)
  45. Genie
    1. Ghoul- Pours out like ink, reforms and seeks meat.
    2. Hinn- Treat as a Familiar
    3. Ifrit- Angry, fiery, give her one good reason not to split you in twain.
    4. Nasnas- Looks like half a person, one leg, one arm etc. Can kill with a touch, may offer services for a limb. 
    5. Jann- Swirling out like miniature dust storm, thankful for its freedom and will do a favor within its power for you
    6. Marid- A several story tall being (how'd it fit in the bottle?!). It will grant a single wish if you can stump it with a riddle, best it in battle, or flatter in a manner it has never experienced.
  46. Demon-1d72. BEWARE OF 10
  47. Golem Clay- Pre-enchanted clay that can be used to make an appropriately sized golem. 1% daily chance to go berserk.
  48. Wizard Drugs
  49. Alchemical Concoction
    1. Aqua Vitae- Yes, this is essentially just brandy. 
    2. Greek Fire/Alchemist's Fire
    3. Aqua regia
    4. Vitriol
    5. Animal glue
    6. Gun Powder
  50. Disgusting Goblin Collection
    1. Earwax
    2. Stolen Hair
    3. Snot
    4. Nail clippings
    5. Pig Grease
    6. Eyeballs
  51. Booze
    1. Skunked Beer
    2. Cider
    3. Mead
    4. Applejack
    5. Gin
    6. Whiskey
  52. CSF
  53. A very small Wizard and their very small tower.
  54. Homunculus- Sized to the bottle, feed it an amount of blood equal to the bottle it came in daily. Slowly becomes more like the creature whose blood it is fed. Acts as a hireling with 12 Morale. 
  55. Concentrate of Bonnacon
  56. Sealed Elemental
    1. Salamander
    2. Undine
    3. Slyph
    4. Gnome
  57. Sauce
  58. THE ORKUS
  59. Trapped Ghost
  60. Tube Food- All various shades of Beige
    1. Mashed Potatos
    2. Meat Slurry
    3. Pudding?
    4. Oatmeal/Cream of Wheat/Grits, whichever you don't prefer
    5. Peanut Butter
    6. Wet Carboard
  61. A normal toad. Anything put into the bottle is put into temporal stasis. 
  62. Angel's Share Whiskey- Purges all sin from the imbiber, 5% chance of drawing attention of unhappily sober Angels. 
  63. A Prince
  64. Hoodoo Roots
    1. John The Conquorer- Good for gambling and seduction
    2. Celadine- Wards of witches and police officers oddly enough
    3. Holly- Protective, used for summoning good spirits
    4. Goofer Dust- Grave dirt collected after midnight, good fo curses
    5. Chewing John- For obfusticating courtrooms
    6. Mint- For breaking curses
  65. Mansion in a Bottle- Break open to grow into 1d100 room Mansion. 1-in-6 chance of being haunted.
  66. STUFF: Looks like mercury but staring it gives you a migraine and a sense of unease. Reacts strongly with emotion and imagination to create monstrosities. Reacts explosively with FOX, treat as a Fireball with MD equal to the total number of doses of STUFF and FOX dived by 2.
  67. FOX: Liquid junk information. Acts like holy water on any creature that could have feasibly arise from human imagination (dragons, vampires, elves, goblins, not normal animals or humans). Reacts explosively with STUFF, treat as a Fireball with MD equal to the total number of doses of STUFF and FOX dived by 2.
  68. Aloe Vera
  69. Lubricant
  70. All the Mezcal worms that have gone uneaten.
  71. Fluoroantimonic acid
  72. A Fairy!
  73. Captured Echo
    1. Laughter
    2. Hello, ello, llo, lo, o
    3. HELP ME!
    4. Rubber baby buggy bumpers. Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
    5. Gregorian Chanting
    6. The Voice of God
  74. A Deconstructed Owl- Larger bottles may contain a Parliament of Deconstructed Owls.
  75. Distilled Emotion
    1. Apathy
    2. Joy
    3. Anger
    4. Despair
    5. Ecstacy
    6. Fear 
  76. Distilled Obscure Emotions
    1. Gigil
    2. Pena ajena
    3. Waldeinsamkeit
    4. Saudade
    5. L'abbiocco
    6. Jijivisha
  77. A list of Bottled Things
  78. [NULL]- Looks like white noise, smells like ozone, feels like your arms fallen asleep, sounds like static, tastes like bumping your elbow nerve. Pouring it over something removes all unique identifiers and reduces it to the most generic possible form of the object
  79. G̶͓͉̘̈̕͠L̸͎͌̉I̵̢̬̐̌̀T̵̙̓̈̃C̶͍͐Ḧ̴̳͍ ̴̧̢̈́J̴̪̎́̕U̵̱͛̌̏Ị̸͍̥͑͌Ç̷̨̃̈Ę̴̱̓- Looks like ████, smells like ████, feels like ████, sounds like ████, tastes like ████. Pouring it over something randomizes some quality of it, veering towards the overtly unique. 
  80. An Ego Sprite
  81. Fluke Shark(s)
  82. Math Drug
  83. Bottled Vicariousness- Experience a day in the life of another person. Randomize race/class for a day.
  84. Actually a portal to the bottom of the sea, there is a red beard hair and lip smudges...
  85. Weight- Looks like bacon grease. Doubles the weight of anything it is slathered onto.
  86. Decanter of Endless... 
    1. Air
    2. Water
    3. Farts
    4. Blood
    5. Milk
    6. Rum
  87. Snake Oil
  88. Green Slime
  89. Giant- They are a lot bigger when you let them out of the bottle.
  90. Liquid Velvet
  91. Powered Bezoar
  92. Bird Spit- Worth a fortune to the right people
  93. Dragon's Blood- A taste teaches you the language of birds, may have other less annoying uses.
  94. Diamond Nectar
  95. Yogurt- What? Sometimes you get hungy.
  96. Imp- Will grant Monkey's Paw corrupted wishes, dying with it in your possession sends you to hell.
  97. Sovereign Glue- Because it is traditional.
  98. Alkahest/Universal Solvent-Because it is traditional.
  99. Azoth- The Universal Medicine, The Universal Life Force. Can heal any wound, bring back the dead, inspire minds to new heights of creativity. It is the light of creation distilled into liquid form. It is the opposite of THE ORKUS. One dose will heal all wounds, remove all poisons and disease, and indefinitely prolong the imbiber's lifespan. Further doses Save vs. Death or immolate in holy fire, leaving nothing behind. Each further success become immune to a type of damage (such a fire, slashing, etc.). 6 successes results in Apotheosis and the character becoming an NPC Demi-god. 
  100. Roll Twice and Mix, might be a great cocktail, might be Buer covered in honey.